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It was as if I had a devil and an angel on my shoulder, and the devil won...

Abortion Story: Staten Island

Submitted to Abort73 by a 38-year-old woman on September 14, 2023


I got pregnant for the first time at the age of 37 with a man who I was in a new relationship with. I had always wanted to be a mom, but I always found myself in one bad relationship after another. With this man, though, I felt like I had finally met my match, so we were careless about using protection. Two days before confirming that I was pregnant with a home pregnancy test, my boyfriend confessed to me that he had cheated on me. I was devastated to say the least. After finding out that I was pregnant two days later, I told him the news, and he turned into a different person. We had already agreed to give each other space, but it still felt like there was hope to save our relationship. 

Now, though, everything was different. In the days that followed, he turned from the sweet guy I once knew into a bitter, angry, and downright mean-spirited person. He used these methods to try and convince me to have an abortion, and when that didn't work, he started messing with my head while my hormones were all over the place. He used every manipulation tactic in the book. He turned back into that sweet guy and said that we'll try again when the time is right, that maybe we should just get some information from Planned Parenthood, etc.

I made the appointment at PP and had a week to think it over. The only family member I talked to about it was my sister, who was the only voice of reason, telling me that I would probably regret it. My judgement was so clouded and I could only see bad scenarios play out when I thought of the future if I had this baby. When I finally went to the appointment, I was so conflicted that it took me three hours to ultimately decide. It was as if I had a devil and an angel on my shoulder, and the devil won. I was only six weeks along, so I was able to take a pill and then sent home with four more to take the next day. BY THE WAY, if you take only the first pill and decide to change your mind, there is a pill you can get that reverses the effects of the first pill (not sure where, but you can find out online).

After taking the four pills the next day, I experienced the worst physical pain of my life, and that was with extra strength painkillers. I started bleeding about an hour or two later, and experienced bleeding with clots for about three weeks straight. I even saw the pregnancy sack come out one day in the bathroom, and that image is forever etched in my brain.

It is now over a year later, and I still have crying fits about it. I wish I had kept my baby. The truth is, I could have made it work. Yeah, I'd be a single mom, but there's plenty of resources out there for us. I am enough for my baby. Even if you are with the wrong man, remember, YOU are the RIGHT person for your baby. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You are who your baby needs. If you're on this site, and made it this far reading, keep your baby. The regret is very, very real. I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy. Your baby is a blessing and needs you.

I feel like it would've been a girl. I gave her a name—Isabella. I sometimes write her letters and talk out loud to her. Not a day goes by where I don't think about what could've been. She should be here with me earth side. This decision is my biggest regret. Please don't be like me. Choose life; choose your baby. You can do this. All my love to those who are reading this.

Age: 38
Location: Staten Island
Date: September 14, 2023

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