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I was 19 and planning a wedding to the man I'd been with since age 16 when I learned I was pregnant. We were elated and continued our plan and got married. As I ascended the steps to the church, I tripped and fell. I thought nothing of it, but one week after the wedding, at 16 weeks, I had a miscarriage. We were sad but decided to enjoy being a young married couple and decided to wait a bit. When I returned for my post D&C appointment, I was shocked to learn that I was pregnant! Forty four weeks later, after a very difficult pregnancy with liver complications and a difficult delivery, I had our baby girl. I had just finished nursing school and was one month into my first full-time night shift  job in a time where new graduate nurses were not being hired. I was also a new mother with a 3-month old highly colicky baby girl who never slept more than an hour. We were both completely exhausted and our young marriage was on the rocks when I learned that despite my use of a diaphragm, I was pregnant. My husband, exhausted from working full time and getting up with a colicky baby 5 nights per week, suggested the abortion. It was 1986, and we were told in pre-abortion counseling that this was really just a collection of cells at 8 weeks gestation. I wanted to make our marriage work and knew that we couldn't care for another baby. I was also very fearful of further liver complications and felt that another pregnancy this soon might actually kill me. We were both under-churched Catholics and didn't really know the Lord and His power to see us through our difficulties.

We arrived at Planned Parenthood and paid the $250. I remember being tearful and walking out crying, and my husband telling me I didn't have to go through with it. I wish I had walked away. I decided not to have anesthesia 48 hours before and now I was scared. I wish the counselor had discussed this decision with me. Clearly I was already punishing myself and didn't feel worthy of being asleep for the procedure. I was awake and aware of the entire, excruciating procedure. When it was finished, I looked at that canister and saw the truth. The "tiny collection of cells,” the "blob" was actually quite a lot of blood and tissue and clots. The "products of conception,” a baby—an image I will never forget. I immediately broke down, racked with guilt and crying hysterically as they wheeled me into the recovery area. The two young girls lying next to me were asleep, blissfully unaware of the soul-stealing guilt they may someday feel that I understood immediately. Biggest Regret of our lives. We have both struggled with the psychological and spiritual trauma of abortion for 34 years. If you are considering having an abortion, please, please, go to a church or crisis pregnancy center and get some real help. Planned Parenthood is an abortion business. They did not provide real counseling or a real opportunity to help us to continue with the pregnancy. Get real help.

Age: 54
Location: Yorba Linda, CA
Date: July 5, 2019