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• /abort73

It's only been 11 hours since I had a surgical abortion, and I am a complete mess. This was such a fast and unthoughtful decision on my end. I just wish I could take it back. I found out I was pregnant six days ago, on June 28th, by my long-term boyfriend. We only spent two days going back and forth on what we should do. Before we found out I was pregnant we were getting ready to start our futures by enrolling in college programs, buying a house, and all of that fun and exciting stuff. But due to us getting ready to start our futures, having a baby would have made it so difficult and such a set back. I wouldn't be able to do what I wanted, and he would have to make a whole study/career change that wasn't his dream. But the thing is, we could have found a way. Everyone finds a way when difficult or challenging roadblocks occur. I always wanted to be a mother, but now I don't think I ever deserve to be one. This was my first pregnancy. I went to one location to get the abortion pill, but the women there explained how the surgical one would be the better option. So 11 hours ago I was there, in the chair, going through the most traumatizing experience of my life. Before the abortion I had to get another ultrasound and the nurse asked if I wanted to see the baby. I agreed. The image of my child, that I killed, was on that screen. I was eight weeks and three days. The nurses said it wouldn't hurt too bad, but it was excruciating. The nurses said I wouldn't see anything but when the doctor was done and when I got up I stood in the goo/blood on the floor and looked at the tray table and saw all this blood. I wish I could take this day back. My boyfriend and I haven't told anyone about this and we don't plan to. I hope this gets better.

Age: 23
Location: New Jersey
Date: July 4, 2019