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This weekend, I made the biggest mistake of my life. If I could redo the past 48 hours I would. What happened? I had an abortion. Biggest mistake and regret of my life

I was pregnant.

Eight weeks. I was shocked, afraid, and all alone.

The father didn’t want to be involved. I felt like ending the pregnancy was the best thing to do. I was wrong.

I sat in the abortion clinic for about four hours before I was given the “abortion pill.” I took the pill in front of the doctor and went home.

I had no feelings whatsoever. It didn’t feel real yet. The next morning I had to take four more pills that dissolve in your mouth. I took them about an hour and half late because I started to have second thoughts. But finally I just did it. I waited and waited. About 30 minutes later, I started to have severe cramps. Thirty minutes after that I started bleeding. Uncontrollably. I bled so bad that blood was all over my bed.

I went back and forth to the bathroom. Clots started falling out. I thought the worst was over, but I was wrong. I sat back on my bed and started feeling a big heavy feeling that wouldn’t go away. So I went back to the toilet and all of a sudden something big dropped out of me. I was too scared to look. I called my sister on video chat. I was scared. Then it felt like buckets of blood poured out. I thought it was a blood clot. A huge blood clot. I took a picture of it then flushed it. Turns out it wasn’t a blood clot. It was a baby in the amniotic sac. It was MY baby. I flushed my baby away. What have I just done?

It started to hit me hard. I lay back in the bed to process. And I felt that heavy feeling, again. I ran back to the bathroom and something else fell out of me. Was it another baby? Was it the placenta? Then, more blood. The blood started coming out so fast that my blood pressure dropped instantly. I thought I was dying. I tried to walk downstairs to ask my family for help and everything just went black. I woke up, and I’m at the bottom of the steps. Bleeding and weak.

My mom and sister called the ambulance. My blood pressure was so low it couldn’t even register.

They put me in the back of the ambulance and more blood gushed out. I was getting weaker by the second.

I arrived at the hospital. The doctor said if my blood pressure doesn’t stabilize I will need a blood transfusion. I was so afraid. Terrified. Guilt, regret, and sadness hit me. I just wanted a do over. I just wanted my baby. Why can’t life have a rewind button? All I needed was 24 hours to undo this terrible mistake. And that’s when it hit.

This decision. This abortion was forever. There are no do overs. My baby is gone because of me. I will never be able to hold his hand, kiss his cheek, or see him smile. He’ll never see his first birthday, because of me. As I lay in the hospital, bleeding and in pain, nothing hurts more than the reality that I ended my baby’s life to cover my own.

I’ve never felt this low.

Age: 29
Location: North Carolina
Date: July 22, 2019