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It has been eight weeks since my abortion. I fell pregnant at the age of 16. When my pregnancy test came up positive, I did not really know what to think. I knew my family was not going to take it well, but at the same time, I knew that I wanted to keep my baby. At the time I found out, my mum and dad were away on a holiday so I kept it to myself. The day after I found out I was pregnant, I phoned up my local doctors and made an appointment with the nurse for that day. When I went to see the nurse, I told her that I had gotten pregnant and that I wanted to keep it, but I knew that my family wouldn't want me to. She then told me that she got pregnant at 16, chose to have her child, and it was the best thing she had ever done—but that wasn't to say that it would be the best thing for me. She told me to remember that bringing up a child, especially at my age, would be very hard. She then took my blood pressure, explained all my options, and booked me back in to get a scan.

Straight after seeing the nurse I went and told my nana what had happened, and she phoned up my mum and dad and told them. All along I was worried about what my mum and dad would say, but they couldn't have been more supportive. Not once did I get shouted at or made to feel bad about the situation. The next day my mum booked me in with the abortion clinic. They all wanted me to get rid of the child, thinking it was the best thing for me, as both my Nan and my mum had children at 17. So I just went along with it, thinking that it was the best thing for me to do since it would keep everyone else happy, but deep down I knew it wasn't what I wanted. The next morning came and mum and I drove down to the clinic. The whole way there I couldn't stop crying. We walked into the clinic and had to sign in and fill out all the forms. Then I had to have a few meetings with the nurses, and they told me that they wouldn't be much longer. Finally I got called into the main room, and the lady who scanned me and told me I was eight weeks and four days gave me one white tablet. She told me once I took it I couldn't go back. I took the tablet and then I had to put four white tablets into my vagina. I could have had the nurse do it, but if I was making the decision to not have my baby anymore, I wanted to at least do it all myself. After all that was done, they gave me tablets to take once I got home for the pain. All together, I was in there for around three hours. One or two hours after leaving the clinic I started getting pains, and then the pains only got worse. I can’t even describe what the pain was like, but it was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. It took me three days to pass the unborn child, and it’s only meant to take 10 hours max. I passed my baby on a towel. My mother knew I couldn't just throw it away or leave it, so she put it in a little wooden box. We buried it with my Nan, who recently passed.

I will never be able to forget what I have been through, nor would I ever want to forget because it will always be such a big part of my life. I always wonder what would have happened if I just believed in myself and didn't take the easy way out. Not one day has gone by where I haven't cried and regretted my decision. If I could go back in time and get my baby back, I would. The only thing that keeps me going is that I know I can visit it whenever I want and that one day I’ll be able to meet it and hold it in my arms.

Age: 16
Location: England
Date: May 25, 2016