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I was 17 wen I made the choice. I was three months along when I found out. No sickness, no weight gain, no change, but I suspected. I was in a very unstable situation that I did not want to bring a child into. I was trying to finish school and look for work. The father was my off-and-on-again boyfriend of four years. I was well aware that he was sleeping around and not committed. Even though he was older, he acted like a child once he found out. It seemed as if he could not comprehend. I saw that I was now another statistic. You should have been cared about. I could have made it somehow. I know it was just a hasty decision. I regret it every night when my eyes close. I knew I was wrong once I saw the ultrasound. My baby, my love, my angel. There she was looking at me like she was smiling. I was sad because I believed I couldn’t do it for her. I loved her, though, I did. I felt numb the whole day. The procedure was a blur. I remember lying down, the drugs going in, and waking up in the car. I took a long bath afterwards and wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I was just numb, filled with regret. It hurt worse because then my sister delivered her son, and my now ex-boyfriend had a child with another woman. I feel broken. I named her Artemisia Nicolette. She would have been perfect—with cinnamon hair and emerald eyes like her mommy. I'm so sorry, my cherub. I wish I tried harder. I loved you. I wanted to. I just hope you’re in heaven or on earth with a new deserving mother. I hope I can be blessed in the future. I will do all right. I'm glad I could write this. I felt bottled up. No one knows about this. Just me.

Age: 19
Location: Cleveland, OH
Date: July 11, 2015