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When I found out I was pregnant, it was a month after the breakup. I loved the baby's dad very much. He meant the world to me, but he took me for granted and was always looking for something else. When I found out I had his baby, I was excited, I never thought an 'accident' would happen to me. But I knew it was far from ideal. I knew that I couldn't count on the father. I had no family around me to support me, my friends all thought it was a terrible idea, and financially it wasn't always easy. I think I decided to terminate because I just didn't want to struggle any more. A lot of tough situations happened to me in the past, and I felt that this baby would put me in yet another tough situation. I just didn't want that for myself anymore. I did grow attached to the baby. I even realized I loved him more than his dad. I talked to him, took care of myself while he was with me, and tried so hard to get the dad's support. But things just got worse and worse at every mention that I was hesitating—so bad that in the end he didn't even come to the clinic with me. What I also find hard is that I am nearly 40, and I do wish to have children one day. Every day I miss my baby. My heart is broken. I know terminating was 'best' for the circumstances, but one can never really 'erase' a baby. I'm doing okay now. The hormones have stabilized, so I'm not feeling as low as I used to. I am definitely pro-choice, but never can I see this as just a foetus. In a way, I wish I could. It would have made it easier on me. It was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life, and it has changed me. So many life lessons learnt. I am grateful my baby came into my life. I hope I can meet his soul one day and let him know how much I loved him.

Age: 38
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Date: July 10, 2015