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• /abort73

On August 7, 2014, I made the decision to end my 5-week pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant while I was working two jobs and barely able to support myself. I was past due on every bill I had and couldn't even begin to imagine how I would support the life of another when I could barely support my own. I didn’t want a relationship with the father and knew that he would be angry if he found out I was pregnant, accusing me of trapping him. I was scared, and I felt alone—with no other options. I made the appointment to end my baby's life on the same day I found out I was pregnant. For the entire week I agonized over my decision, wondering if I was truly making the right one. After the procedure, when the cramping and pain in my uterus really set in, I cried out and couldn't stop crying. I knew what I had done and my empty womb was evidence. I put the pain aside to function from day to day, but it is nights that kill me the most. I am working on rebuilding my relationship with God but am unable to truly reconcile with him over the guilt I feel. Every month, on the anniversary of my abortion, the pain is almost too much to bear. I can't imagine what my due date will feel like, what it will feel like to know that I could be holding my baby in my arms. Tonight, I dreamt of his face. A round, blonde-haired, green-eyed baby boy. The dream felt so real; I held him in my arms and felt so much love and happiness. God, how I wish I could go back. I want so desperately to see my baby, hold him against me, and love him.

Age: 23
Location: Denver, CO
Date: March 9, 2015