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I am a post-abortive woman of over 30 years. I have had 3 abortions. The men I was with coerced me into having abortions because they didn't want any children. My first two abortions were done between 6-8 weeks. My third abortion was done at 4 months. When I was dropped off at the Planned Parenthood, I walked into that clinic alone and petrified. I was escorted into a back room—behind closed doors—and was told by the nurse that [abortion] was the best thing I could do for myself. “You won't feel anything,” she told me, “the doctor has done lots of these procedures and IT'S ONLY A BLOB OF TISSUE.” I didn't know my baby could dream! I didn't know that my babies felt pain. I was lied to! I was escorted to the "procedure room" after changing into a hospital gown. The nurse administered the pain medicine, and I waited for the doctor to come in. The procedure room was cold and there was a very distinct smell. I noticed a large canister in the corner with a tube attached and on the end was a sharp metal object. The doctor came in and patted me on the leg and said, “Don't worry, I've done lots of these, you will be fine." The doctor switched on the instrument and took that tube and shoved it up inside of me with such force that it literally took my breath away. I was still waiting for the pain medicine to kick in, and it never did. I begged the nurse to stop—crying with unbelievable pain, squeezing her hand and telling her that the pain was incredible. No one heard my cries; no one heard my pleas. My baby was being sucked through a tube, torn into pieces. What part of that is natural, what part of that is normal? I was her mother and my job was to protect her. How did I protect her? I will never forget what I did; this is the "choice" I made.

I led a life of sex, drugs and alcohol to try and numb the pain, to try to forget. but no matter how hard I tried, I would still wake up the next day remembering the decision I made to kill my unborn children. I didn't have God in my life back then. I was lost, selfish and a murderer. In 1999, I got married and became a Catholic. I found mercy and forgiveness starting in 2004 and attended a Rachel's Vineyard Retreat in March, 2005. It was there that I found out that God loved me. He forgave me and showed His mercy on me. At that retreat we had to name our children, write them a letter, baptize them and bury them. Each child received a Certificate of Life, not a certificate of death. For no matter how small they were, they still had life. My unborn children's names are Matthew, Thomas and Katherine. I know now that abortions stop a beating heart. I know now that babies as young as 8 weeks old feel pain. I know now that what I did to my children was torture. I have a daughter whom I love so much, but what I did was deny her siblings. She knows about my abortions and was upset when I told her. She said she was sorry that I did that.

God is good, loving, merciful and forgiving. I know that now. God gave me a wonderful gift. He knew that I had aborted two sons and a daughter, but He gave me two grandsons and a granddaughter. How cool was that! My grandchildren know of my abortions, and I told them that my children are their "guardian angels.” Each one of my grandchildren now know the names of their angels.

Abortions are not the answer! It is not our decision to end life. Only God has that right. I will regret my abortions until the day I die, and I pray that my children in heaven will know that I love them. I pray that they forgive me.

Age: 58
Location: Norristown, PA
Date: January 10, 2014