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• /abort73

I haven't yet had an abortion, but my boyfriend and I are considering it. A few weeks before I found out I was pregnant, I had a dream that I found a fetus on the floor behind my apartment complex. I cupped it in my hands and saw it slowly grow from a fetus to a newborn baby. It was so beautiful and its small little hand grabbed my pinky and said, “Everything happens for a reason.” Shocked that the baby could speak, I stared at it in disbelief, and then I noticed a glow on my hand that was being held by the child. I looked up to find an angel floating above me. The angel told me, “Let everything fall as it may. Be the best you can be and I'll take care of the rest.” The night before I found out I was pregnant, I dreamt that I found a rack of bookmarks. On one side it said "LIFE,” and on the back it said, “Everything happens for a reason”—again!!  I went to the clinic to find out that I am expecting. I have yet to find out how far along I am. That happens this Wednesday. I told my boyfriend that I am pregnant and we discussed abortion. Then he asked if I was considering anything else, and I told him I was considering adoption—but fear I would get too attached. I am currently living on my own with a friend, struggling to make ends meet. And my boyfriend still lives with his parents. Plus, we have college and work, and my family would NOT support me. My boyfriend told me, “Honestly, if you were to keep it, I'd disappear. I can't be a father. Not right now. No, I'm sorry. I just can't" My father disappeared on my mother and me when I was still in her belly and my boyfriends knows that. He called my father a coward, and then he says that?! It really upset me. I have yet to make my decision, but I fear that he won't even stay to support me if I were to do adoption. When I told him I was reconsidering, he told me he didn't want me to have to go through that. The birth, I'm guessing? He tells me that he wants children, but not right now—when we are not financially stable.  I don't want to regret having an abortion, but I also don't want to feel so attached to the baby and then give it away. And depending on how far along I am, I have done some things that could have messed with the baby's health/growth and have to take that into consideration when choosing what I will do. I'm just so confused, and I don't know what to do.

Age: 19
Location: Houston, TX
Date: January 20, 2014