• Videos / 
• Gear / 
• Blog / 
• Podcast / 
• Substack

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• /abort73

I had an abortion in February of 2011. I missed my period and had all the regular symptoms of pregnancy that I had with my daughter who is now 5. I am almost 30 and the father is almost 40. After 4 years of being with him we didn't think we could get pregnant. Well the day that I went to take the pregnancy test he already knew it was going to be positive because he couldn't eat anything at work that morning. So I called him to say it was positive and he already knew. There was a long silence and I knew what choice he wanted for that child. We both had the means to take care of the child but he already had 4 children and I really did not want anymore. I didn't want an abortion, but the father made me feel like we had no other choice. One week later we went to the clinic together.

HERE IS WHAT HAPPENS AT THE CLINIC: We sat in the awkward silent waiting room where everyone stares at everyone else. I thought there would be just a few women in there but this place in Baltimore was packed!! They tell you not to go alone because you cannot drive afterward so all the fathers seemed to be in there as well. So you are finally called to review your medical facts and make sure you are there on your own free will. (of course most women lie here) Then you go back to the 'awkward' room. Then they call you back to have an ultrasound. I asked to see the ultrasound screen to see how far the baby had progressed. I ended up being 7weeks, 3 days but could barely see anything on the screen. I remember looking at the ultrasound tech and wondering how they could have this particular job in this clinic. Afterward, I went back into the waiting room once more and just sat forever. Again, most people just sat in silence. Some chatting on their phones as if it was just another day. Some actually laughing during their conversation. I kept thinking that I should just walk out of here, that I do not belong here! I was called back once more to pay for the procedure so I brought the father back to pay for the whole thing. To pay for killing our child. So after 2 hours of waiting I was called back to the "main" procedure room. I dressed in their gown and sat on a table that is just the same as in the gyno offices. I was given a drug called "Twilight". Immediately it took my breath away and I was really dizzy. I couldn't move my whole body, but I was able to look around and talk. I was NOT completely out. So the procedure started and I heard the loud vacuum noise. I just thought to myself that, "This is it, this is my child's fate". I thought maybe I could turn back on the whole idea and just say, "STOP" but the Twilight made me so weak. So the suction started and I was yelling. It hurt so bad. See, the "Twilight" just makes you weak and relaxes your body but not the pain or your mind. They just told me to relax and they were almost done. It didn't last too long but I wanted to yell for the father to come in and save me from what was happening. Afterward, I could not walk and I felt like I had to throw up a lot. You are given a heating pad and told to sit for awhile. Some women just walked right out after a half an hour or so. The woman who sat next to me asked if the procedure hurt as much as it hurt her. Then I heard one women screaming during her procedure. If I heard that before hand then I definitely wouldn't have went. It HURT LIKE HELL!!!! I had the father carry me out because I was so weak. In the end, its my body and my choice. Nobody should talk you into something like this. NOBODY! I regret my choice but have prayed about it and I can rest my head at night and not cry about it. I have given it to the Lord now. I got my tubes tied so I that I will never go through this again. Lesson learned!!!

Age: 29
Location: Baltimore, MD
Date: May 13, 2012