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It was 3 weeks into a relationship and I found out I was pregnant. Panic went through my entire body. How in the world did this happen and how did it happen to me?! I was the responsible one in the family that never made a mistake in life. I freaked out and my immediate thought was that an abortion was the answer to all my problems. My first mistake was thinking that this was a problem… I flipped and flopped back and forth between keeping my child or having an abortion. I was so emotional and caught up in thinking how this was going to affect MY life, and how MY plans and goals were going to be put on the back burner. In the end, I made the decision to have an abortion. I didn’t know then, but that was the worst mistake of my life.

I went to the clinic, went through all the procedures and necessary tests were done. I spent 3 hours alone in a waiting room, moved to another waiting room, into a small office, then back to a waiting room and then back into an exam room. The entire time my mind was clicking and thinking about everything. I was completely alone. I sat there alone in a cold room high on some drugs replaying the past few weeks of my life over and over and over again. What was I doing!!!! I woke up in a recovery room completely out of it with 3 other women around me, the tears rolled down my face when I remembered where I was and what I was doing there. There was no turning back, it was done. I got home and cried for days after. Not because of my mother, not because of my sister, not because of my ex boyfriend, not because of my recovery but because of what I just did.

The following weeks and months I spent with minimal amounts of sleep even with the help of medication and a lot of emotional baggage hanging on my shoulders. I was still depressed, upset and more alone than I had ever imagined I could feel. Part of me was missing and it was my fault. I knew I regretted what I had done to my child, but there was no way for me to change it no matter how much I wanted, no matter how many tears I shed, I couldn’t bring that baby back. I tried my best to keep moving on and forward with my everyday life, putting a smile on my face when I was around other people, but the inside of me was ripping apart with every day, and every child I had to see at work. Living and spending time with my niece still rips a hole in my chest every morning when she smiles and gives me giant hug and tells me she loves her aunt Sarah. Who could love me is what I think every morning when I wake up knowing I am alone again.

I recently began to research organizations that can help women, like myself, who regret what they have done and now have a different perspective and view on what life truly is. I took a baby's life that wasn’t mine to take because I was scared. Being scared is no reason to run away. God only gives you as much as you can handle. That baby was meant to be mine and I was meant to raise him/her. However, my decisions took God’s plan and changed them. So now here I am today using my story and situation to help someone else. To try and stop another girl from making the mistake I made and to stop another girl from taking a life that is not hers to take.

I know what I have done is something to be ashamed of but I want my story out there for other girls to know and understand that although you may be scared of the situation you are in, and you feel that it is the end of the world, it is not. If you choose abortion you are ending the world for a baby who deserves to live, not your world. You have taken away that child’s chance to experience all the wonders God has offered to us. Do not let anyone pressure you into getting one and listen to someone when they say it is in God’s plan for you to have a child. If you are considering it yourself. Get as much education you can on options OTHER than abortion… adoption is another alternative. God knows what he is doing when he blesses you with something like that, don’t just throw it away. I did and I am not the one who has to pay the consequences, it is the baby who is paying the ultimate consequence because of me.

I now know I am a person who believes that life begins on day 1. I am ashamed of my actions but I know that the Lord will forgive me and someday I may forgive myself, but right now I cannot forgive myself until I know that I have done as much as possible to change the perspective and views that abortion is okay. It is NOT okay for the mother, the father but most importantly the baby the two created together. I look back and thank God every day that my mother and father did not do what I did. I have been able to enjoy such wonderful things and some not wonderful things, but I got the chance to go through all life experiences because my mother and father knew what the right thing to do was… to keep me and love me.

Age: 22
Location: Georgia
Date: May 12, 2012