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I guess I know more about abortion than the average person. I've had three. Of course, as I look back, I see I blamed everyone but myself. It was my parent's fault, my boyfriends' faults, on and on. It was really MY VERY OWN FAULT. Of course, back in the 70's when all this happened, there was a lot of ignorance about getting pregnant. I got a book from my Mother called "On Becoming a Woman" which was full of inaccuracies that I believed. I had a boyfriend who got my clothes off one night and the next thing I knew we were having sex. It was date rape, really. Once sex happens, it's really easy to talk yourself into saying it's ok to do it again. So, I did.

I ended up pregnant and married by 18. Back in those days you got married, no options. I hated my beautiful baby for wrecking my life. My husband was forced into marrying me, so he became controlling and then violent. My Mother died, and my Father disowned me, so I was an isolated victim. I was told I had to go to college to be a teacher, so I did. I went part time, worked part time, had another baby because I still didn't know what the heck I was doing. I dragged those two beautiful babies out in all weather, standing on bus stops, dropping them off on anyone who'd watch them so I could graduate. I did graduate after 7 years of this. By then my husband was punching me in the face, knocking me down stairs, and finally tried to suffocate me. He almost did. Oh, I forgot to say he forced me into having an abortion because he didn't want any more kids. Of course, I blamed him for that. Nothing was my fault. I ended up taking the kids and trying to fend for myself, but since he got me fired from my job and took the car, I had no way to take care of them. I took them back to his apartment, the biggest mistake of my entire life. This was in the early 70's when there were no laws protecting women from domestic violence. All that mattered was his reputation. I ended up struggling, homeless and alone. I was also pregnant again from some casual encounter I had. My brother paid for that abortion. I was living in another state then, an alcoholic. Who wouldn't be after the life I had? I went from one minimum wage job to another because I owed the college money I couldn't pay. I lived with a musician for a while and yes, got pregnant again. Of course, it wasn't MY fault, and yes, another abortion.

This time I swore to God I would never, ever go through that again. I didn't, either. I consider abortion murder, which it is. I killed three innocent children. I know more about what this does to a woman than most. I feel men or people who never have gone through this torture should have no say in it. It is not a choice. There isn't a woman alive who will choose to kill her own child. Every single woman who aborts does it because of financial or family pressure. There would be no such thing if we had proper birth control and reproductive education for our teens, boys and girls. When is it going to end? I thought after it happened to me that something would change. Yes, now pregnant girls can live at home! Big deal. There isn't a teen girl in this world who wants to voluntarily become a mother. They might, only if they don't realize the ramifications of it, of having another person to care for until they are an adult. Please, if you're reading this, do not have an abortion. Carry your child to term. You will live to regret your decision. I don't care how sure you are right now. You will realize how right I am as soon as the abortion is over. The dark feeling comes then, the black realization that your child is now a mass of blood in a garbage can.

Please learn from what I've done to myself. I imagine my children, who they would have been. I lost my older daughter after years of arguing and fighting over what a horrible mother I was to her. My second daughter isn't even speaking to me. The pain is forever. I did marry again in 1979 and carried a son to term. The doctor watched me every two weeks after six months because he was sure my cervix would fail. My son is healthy and strong and every time I look at him I know I don't deserve a son like him. I feel dirty and horrible and always will, no matter how much I pray for forgiveness. Please, respect your body. It's a temple of the Holy Spirit and you have no right having sex before you are an adult. Sex is meant for reproduction between married adults or consenting ADULTS. Teens are not adults. I know you long to be, but please accept your parents' guidance and listen to them. God gave you parents so they can care for you. Don't be belligerent and hostile to them, even if they have faults, which they do. They're human! Honor your parents. That's where I went wrong years ago. My life will never be what it could have been. Please learn from me. Thank you for reading this, and God bless you.

Age: 63
Location: Utica, New York
Date: February 27, 2012