Submitted to Abort73 by a -year-old woman on January 23, 2012.
I went in for my 6 month exam and the doctor was having trouble finding the heartbeat. He looked more and more uncomfortable as he tried to find it. Finally, after 10 awful minutes he decided to give me an ultrasound to “find the hiding baby.” Worse news. Now we could visually see my tiny little baby just lying there totally lifeless. No heartbeat. No movement. The doctor shook his head and told me it looked like she had died a couple weeks earlier. He immediately started talking about sending me to a good place where doctors would know what to do and make the next step as quick and easy as possible.
His words began to run together in my mind. The only thing I could hear was my own heart beating all the way in my throat. All I could think was, “This can’t be happening.”
We were referred to a local hospital for a D and E. Basically the same operation that would be performed for an abortion. Not only did I have the trauma of losing my baby girl, but now I have to deal with the thought of some sterile, family-planning, pro-abortion doctors taking away my daughter without a care in the world. No closure, just thoughts of what could have been.
We ran into somewhat of a miracle as we came to the hospital and the security officers took us to the wrong floor. They took us to labor and delivery, where a group of nurses looked dumbfounded as I explained my situation. “We don’t do D and E’s here”, one nurse said. “There is obviously some kind of mix up”. They told me they were so sorry for my loss and took me to a room to wait while everything got figured out. About a half hour passed before they came back and explained my options. I could stay here and have full labor, or wait a few days and meet a special doctor at a different location to have the “procedure” done. As much as I didn’t want the pain of labor, I also knew that I wanted to somehow honor my daughter and give her a respectful birth. I wanted desperately to hold her and see her face. We decided then and there to start full labor and take the bad with the good. Labor took a total of 6 and a half hours and was extremely painful.
Destiny Hope Fiorello was born 9oz and 9 inches. She was perfect. We got to hold her and kiss her and spend time with her. It was really beautiful and healing. She looked so much like her sister.
I know this seems so sad, and really, it is a very sad thing. But I experienced something so beautiful at that hospital. It was like this heavy blanket of grace just fell on me. I didn’t really feel much sorrow. I felt healing. I felt hope. The Lord surrounded me with people that facilitated this healing, and His own supernatural presence to give me “peace that surpasses understanding”. I am sad, yes. But…..I choose to hope. I was given a chance to see beauty in the midst of tragedy, and I want to honor her short life by living a life of hope. She is experiencing the most amazing glory right now. She is in good hands….and I will see her again.
Date: January 23, 2012