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I lived in Cuba when I began having sex at the age of 15. My first abortion was at that same age, and it was a horrifying experience. I was supposedly 12-14 weeks pregnant. They called it menstrual regulation. It's nothing more than a vacuum that sucks the babies out and it's all supposed to end in about 15-20 minutes but that did not happen. Removing details of horrific pain and all the drama of what happened after 15 minutes, I will tell you that I was much further along than they said. I was three to three and a half months pregnant. And I was not in a hospital but in a clinic that was not prepared for what the doctor did next, because they performed an abortion right there, without anesthesia because they did not have it. They couldn't move me to the hospital because of the risk—according to the doctor, if you can call her that.

Long story short, she did the abortion and sent me home one hour later, fever and pain continued, blood everywhere. A day later I was in emergency ready for my next abortion, now under anesthesia, but with the terrible news that I had a double pregnancy and was perforated everywhere. Imagine that! A few days later, after the pain was gone, I knew i was ready to "go back to my life" but now with pain, regrets, guilt, and emptiness. Why? I thought babies were not babies and thanks to the teachings in the schools back then, Darwin theology was the How. Whatever we are at the end, I was sure that this was not a human. Just a piece of tissue or a monkey. Sounds stupid, yep! That is how ignorance looks. I feel like part of my person has gone with those babies. I look on the faces of other kids and try to picture mine in theirs. It was a torture for me. I see pregnant women and wish to be them. I cry and repent. I did not knew what to do or where or why this was having this toll on me. I used sex as an escape or fun or whatever to numb the impotence of not being able to deal with this loss and then fear kicks in. I want to clean what i have done, in my own way, so I want to become pregnant again, to amend if that is possible for what I have done. I was terrorized by all of this. Maybe I would not be able to have another child, so I tried, cried, and fell into depression. My mind was ill with guilt and for me this was the way to relieve it. Two years later, I got pregnant at 17. My daughter Thali was born by the grace of God. Do you think this ended here and I learned my lesson? NO! I continued this pattern of destruction not only to me but into the lives that have been given to me, In total, I have had more that 10 abortions. It's a long story, but finding healing and peace is possible. I share this for the sake of the precious children that have been entrusted to you.

Age: 40
Location: Kearny, NJ
Date: February 24, 2023