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One of the worst days of my life and I still don’t have a handle on it. 

Two weeks before, I’d just started dating my boyfriend and a week later, I found out I was about 3-months pregnant. So, no, it was not his but someone else’s. This made me feel so disgusted and disappointed in myself. My boyfriend was very understanding and loving and said he is with me whatever choice I make. I made the choice to abort. 

My abortion. The most traumatizing time of my life. It made me feel so small, disgusted, used, and judged. I still have a hard time facing what I’ve done to myself. I can still feel my nerves; I can feel the weight of their glances. To this day I can still see every image that was on the ceiling when they drugged me. I can still feel every movement the doctor made. I can still hear the sounds.

After all of that, you get told you’ll be bleeding for about two weeks. 

I go home and two hours later I get a call. My Pèpère (grand-father) just died of a heart attack. 

I just got an abortion and he dies. 

The first thing I thought is, Oh great, this is god’s of way of giving a life when he takes it, and I just killed it too.

I couldn’t even go swimming with my family who kept asking me to go with them. Since my procedure was so fresh, I didn’t want to risk infection, but I couldn’t face anyone and tell them what actually happened to me that day. 

On top of grieving, I was bleeding for over a month.

Now not only am I grieving a part of myself, but also the child I got rid of—my best friend in the whole world.

My abortion. The most traumatizing time of my life. It made me feel so small, disgusted, used, and judged. 

To this day I can still see every image that was on the ceiling when they drugged me. I can still feel every movement the doctor made. I can still hear the sounds.

Age: 22
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: August 1, 2022