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I had just turned 17 when I found out I was pregnant. Being young and very scared, I told my mom. She didn't really give me a choice; I remember her saying "I just don't know how you're going to be able to keep it." When I went to the clinic to confirm it, the nurse talked about both abortion and adoption. But my mom never supported adoption, only just getting it over and done with. I had 4 days to "make a decision". I don't feel like it was my decision to make; I was coerced into it. When I went to the clinic to have the procedure done, I was very scared and didn't want to do it. I remember not wanting to sign the paper authorizing it. The nurse asked my mom to leave the room and then she asked me if I was being forced to do it. I told her that I just didn't know but I was so scared. I was 11 wks., almost 12. The first day they placed the laminarias and I went home. I remember that night holding my stomach and sobbing, knowing that it wasn't right. I have never felt so trapped in my life. The next day we went back (my mom and I). I remember being so upset that I didn't want to go in the room. They were all telling me that I had to; I had signed the paper and I couldn't back out. My mom and I went for a short walk so I could calm down. She talked me back into it again. I cried during the whole procedure. The Dr. said to me afterwards '"why are you crying?" and was nasty towards me... "you're the one that got yourself into this mess, I'm just getting you out of it." It is almost 10 yrs. later and I still am riddled with guilt. I feel like I killed my baby. I have 2 kids now and I still greive for my first child. Never again would do I it.

Date: September 14, 2006