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• /abort73

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. And I was completely against abortion—and then it happened. My boyfriend and I were deeply in love and didn’t go a day without each other. Then I found out I was pregnant. I told him about it and his immediate reaction was “abortion”—without a doubt, without a second thought. I was so in love and so smitten that I didn’t want to ruin the life he wanted. He made me feel like it would be best for “us”. I remember it so clearly. It was a week before my birthday. I went into a clinic and when I got onto the bed I told the nurse not to tell me anything. I couldn’t bear it; I couldn’t even look at the ultrasound screen. It’s been almost two years, and I only recently started feeling it. I think because my relationship with my boyfriend was so new and I had the abortion (even typing it out is hard) so early in the relationship, I had a constant distraction from my pain—from what I’d actually done and what had actually happened. My baby would’ve been born last year in July, and he/she would’ve been one year old this month. It’s been hard. I can’t even say the word abortion. Some days are easy and some nights I cry myself to sleep thinking of my greatest *what if*. If I could tell my baby one thing it would be that I love him/her, that they were made with love, and from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. I am so sorry, and I will always be sorry.

Age: 22
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Date: July 22, 2020