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I was a 40 year old breast cancer survivor. Not far enough out from treatment to "recommend" a pregnancy. We were told to be careful, so my husband had a vasectomy—but it didn't work fast enough. My husband, mother, father and sister all went ballistic. I had my abortion within a week of finding out I was pregnant, at 10 weeks gestation.

The Devil whispered in every ear around me, even mine. "Think of the one you have. You can't leave him motherless." But how does a mother choose between her children? To my great horror, I did. 

As far as they pushed and as much as they demanded, I had to walk into that room all alone and lie down on that table and pay that man to kill my baby. God forgive me. Kara forgive me. 

It is / has been the worst mistake of my life, and if not for the voice of God stopping me, I would have committed suicide within two weeks over it. Please don't do it. There are other ways, even if your life might have been in danger. They can watch these things closer than ever. Please don't do it. I wish I had known. I wish I had been told of the pain that comes along with this—the suffering, the death of my spirit, my very soul.

I beg you. You have no idea the pain of losing a child, much less one that you murdered yourself. It is SO difficult to live with. I put on a mask every day, just to ensure everyone else Thinks I'm "OK." I take that mask off in therapy, and psychiatry, and a Forgiven and Set Free Bible study. Because ALL of those things are necessary to survive this.

When they tell you at the clinic that this will "solve your problem," they lie. That baby is not some theoretical child of the future that you may be considering. That baby is already there, and in order to take care of the problem you have to kill it. Please, please, think about that. Murder puts your very soul in jeopardy.

I wish I had known these things before hand, and I hope these words help just one woman. The pain and loss is unimaginable, almost unsurvivable. It is real, and I beg you to seek help from a Sav-A-Life, or some similar organization. These people have been through it; they know the pain and devastation. Please seek outside help before you make this decision on your own.

ONE more thing. REGARDLESS of the pressure that you feel from outside sources—in my case, my entire family—this decision is YOURS ALONE. NO ONE ELSE WALKS INTO THAT ROOM WITH YOU TO END THE LIFE OF YOUR BABY. And they will never understand your pain.

Age: 42
Location: Tuscalossa, AL
Date: April 13, 2020