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I feel guilty and hate myself for not fighting for my baby...

Abortion Story: New York

Submitted to Abort73 by a 20-year-old woman on September 29, 2019.

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I was 15 years old when a doctor told me I had a low chance of conceiving without IVF. My dream ever since I was little was to be a mother, and I’m in school to become a teacher—so kids are my life! I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and we never used protection because of my diagnosis. One day I had a rush of pregnancy symptoms and I figured it was my PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome), but I took a test and it was positive. I was in shock and denial. I felt scared and confused but also happy. I immediately told my boyfriend, then my mother. Both urged me to have an abortion. I was torn and made an appointment with an abortion clinic and with a OB/GYN,  in case I decided to keep it. Days passed, and the thought of having a baby excited me. I started researching government aid and looking at baby stuff and talking to my belly. Despite my joy and love for my baby, I was forced to get an abortion. I haven’t been the same since. My boyfriend and I have a strained sex life and I feel like I see babies and anti-abortion signs everywhere I go. I feel guilty and hate myself for not fighting for my baby. It kills me to see my friends so happy with their sons at my age.

Age: 20
Location: New York
Date: September 29, 2019

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