Submitted to Abort73 by a -year-old woman on January 30, 2007.
When I was younger, I remember hearing about abortion and thinking to myself "There's no way in the world I would ever do that. That's wrong. How could someone stand to do that?" Then everything changed. I was 17 when I found out. An at-home pregnancy test confirmed my fears. I told the father and we began to talk about what to do. I began researching abortion online a few days after taking the pregnancy test. I found out in my state you have to have parental consent or what they call a "judicial bypass." I did not want to have to go through the process of obtaining a judicial bypass because I didn't really understand what it meant. I couldn't find that much information on the process. The hardest thing I've ever gone through, besides the abortion and it's after-effects, was telling my mother. We talked about keeping it and abortion. I explained the process to her. I knew all along that I didn't want to do it but I felt I had to. I knew I would love the child like it ought to be loved but felt no one else would. My head decided in favor of the abortion, not my heart. My mother did not agree with my having an abortion and didn't want to sign for me. She would have but I didn't want to make her so I went through the process of getting a judicial bypass. I did that one morning and had my abortion that afternoon. I've read some of the other testimonies on here about how cold and clinical some of the other doctors were but everyone I came in contact with was helpful and nice. I think that's what put me in denial. If everyone was so nice and understanding, how bad could it be? The abortion itself as a procedure was not bad. The recovery room wasn't bad either but the ride home was the worst I have ever felt, physically. I got home and layed down because I was extremely nauseus and my mother came into my room and her eyes filled with tears. I remember telling her not to cry because then I would cry. The next month or so I carried myself like I was happy and completely not affected by the experience. I had the prom to plan for, I just wanted to be a teenager. Now, coming up on a year later, I think about it at least once every single day. You never really notice how many pregnant women there are or how many moms with strollers until after this experience. I am constantly reminded of my abortion and it pangs me deeply. I am still with the father and we talk about it occasionally. Before my due date passed, I asked him if he ever thought about it and he said at the time he wondered how big I would be and things like that. When I'm over-whelmed with the sight of mothers and their babies, he can sense my pain. I think about when I do have children and if I have a daughter, I do plan to tell her when it is appropriate. I want her to know she can come to me if she becomes pregnant and that I will support her and help her in any way. But I don't want her to feel the way I do, I don't want her to have an abortion. I told my mother, my boyfriend, and myself that I wouldn't regret it. But I do. Every second of every day.
Date: January 30, 2007