Submitted to Abort73 by a 34-year-old woman on March 27, 2006.
I am a thirty four year old mother of four who has spent the last 17 years of my life dealing with the pain and loss of two children I
"chose" to abort as a scared, desperate teenager. It took me a few years to be truthful with myself and God about the abortions, at first I insisted to myself that it was the only choice I could have made and that I would have done the same thing again if faced with the choice. Following depression, suicidal thoughts, and a complete feeling of despair, God scooped me up at my first cry of his name. He forgave me, and made me his own. I, however, have had to deal with the indescribable pain and regret of my choices every single day and night. Some nights I wake up and find myself thinking of the exact moment I allowed the abortion to proceed. I find myself screaming silently "NO!", with the most intense desire to go back and change those moments that you can imagine. But no sound comes out of my mouth. My sweet, wonderful husband sleeps in peace along with my four beautiful gifts from God sleeping in their bedrooms - unaware that I feel like my guts have been torn out.
I guess I'd just like to say that I wish so very much that I had been plugged into something like this website the day I headed to that clinic...
Date: March 27, 2006