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I had just turned 22 when I found out I was pregnant. I knew almost instantly that something wasn’t right. Just the thought of food made me nauseated and I was tired all the time. I had been with my boyfriend for three years at the time, but the relationship wasn’t stable. We both still lived with our parents and he could never hold onto a job. He also had a child while he was in high school. He was supportive, but he was also honest and told me he wasn’t ready and didn’t think I was ready either. The decision came easily. It sounds terrible to admit, but I knew I couldn’t have a child yet. I felt so selfish and still do. I was only six weeks in when I got my abortion. I wanted it out as soon as possible. Pregnancy was an awful experience, and I wasn’t sure if my boyfriend and I would make it with the pressures of a child. The abortion was horrible. I took the pill. After 30 minutes I started throwing up. My body felt so weak and i had never been in so much pain. Luckily, my mother was there for me every step of the way. She didn’t agree or disagree with my decision; she was just supportive. She drew me a bath and made me tea. After a few hours I had to pee and I felt it slip out. It didn’t hurt. I didn’t even look. I just flushed my baby away. I felt so much better immediately. All the pain left my body. I could eat again without wanting to vomit afterwards. I felt so much relief. But then I felt guilty. It’s been over a year and I still cry about it. Not every day. But I occasionally remember and feel so low. I don’t regret my decision. In the months after, I got my dream job and have been able to travel so much and see the world. Not something I would be able to do with a baby. I know how old my baby would be. I pray to God for forgiveness, and I will probably always mourn for it.

Age: 23
Location: Honolulu, HI
Date: December 15, 2017