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It’s really f—ing hard. Just when you think it’s getting easier, it’s not. It’s a decision you make for the rest of your life. Which you don’t really realize in the moment. You feel like the whole world is against you, like there’s no one really there at your side, especially at a young age. Ya, this “boy” is ready to step up to the challenge despite all his fears. However he never lets you in, tells you that you’re only thinking about yourself. Therefore you buy into, you think that you really only have one option. When you all really have the world at your hands camouflaged through fear.

You know there’s nothing in this whole world that prepares you for the moment when you tell yourself you’re going to have the abortion. I mean what on god’s earth would prepare you for that? However somehow you feel strong, that you can do it.

But the sad thing is, you’re not ready and probably never will be. In this vast lonely world you feel so alone. Yet you don’t really feel so alone, you know that no matter where you go, you have this special little someone inside you. They’re counting on you and you don’t even know it. They want to take their first breath, and they want you to be there for it. Little do they know you're about to take their whole life from under them.

That’s what gets you the most, not being anti-abortion and not being from a Catholic background. It's that as a parent, you’re supposed to offer the world to your child. Yet, here you are taking the whole world from beneath them, and they don't even have a say in the matter.

The scariest moment is when it happens. Your body begins to shake; you can’t control your bowel movements as you began to throw up. Still you felt okay with the pain. The worst pain in your life feels okay because in someway you feel like you deserve it, don’t you? You deserve the worst pain in the world for what you have done. You’re a monster, a demon; you are someone who doesn’t belong on this earth.

You pray and hope that you can move past it, that you can be forgiven. However that deep, deep regret inside you never let's you rest. You tell your story hoping that people will understand, but they never do. Even if they do believe you, you don't believe them. You wear a mask. You hope that no one will ever know what is behind the smile you wear, for if they knew, they might never see you in the same way.

Location: Cohasset, MA
Date: August 17, 2017