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Life is literally torture now. Every minute is filled with panic because I can't escape what I've done...

Abortion Story: Liverpool, UK

Submitted to Abort73 by a 34-year-old woman on October 26, 2016.


I had a surgical abortion at 11 weeks, 5 days ago. The regret and loss I feel is unbearable. I went to the GP who gave me some diazepam, but I'm still tormented and feel suicidal. My mum is worried sick and won't leave me alone. Please, please do not do it. If you are reading stories trying to make your mind up, then type in 'abortion regret stories' and google the suicide rates. I'm telling you from experience that if there's even a part of you that wants a child, DO NOT do it. I wish to God that I could turn the clock back. To feel a life growing inside you, then all of a sudden it's not there, and all because of an action you did yourself is really hard to deal with. I am awake at 3am trying to find out how soon I can pregnant again after suction abortion. I honestly feel it's the only way to feel life is worth living again. I have a good job and nice home, but my relationship wasn't right, and he was unsupportive, and I didn't want to be a single mum. I felt I wanted the child to have more than I did growing up (ie both parents living together). I thought I was doing the right thing. My family all said it was the right thing in the circumstances. Now I feel like I hate them for not stopping me. I didn't turn up to the first appointment. I ran away from the second appointment, as it took me an hour to try and sign consent, but by the third time I felt broken and stressed and wanted to be free from worry. This is the worst anxiety I have ever experienced or will ever experience. This is worse than losing the love of my life and losing a parent in tragic circumstances. I've been through a lot of trauma, but this is worse by far than all of it put together. If you are undecided and are reading this, PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING! Leave things in God’s hands and it will all work out. Very few people do not love a baby when it's born, but so many women regret abortion. Just google it. I wish I did. All I seemed to read on this site was how easy and non-traumatic it was. The 'counseling' offered before treatment was appalling. When I requested post counseling from BPAS, they said I had to wait several weeks until my hormones settled down! WTF. I feel suicidal NOW!! I want my baby back. I keep rocking and twitching like I'm trying to escape my own skin. Life is literally torture now. Every minute is filled with panic because I can't escape what I've done. I'm so so sorry. Please someone help me. I keep fantasizing about suicide. I need to get pregnant, but I'm single now. I don't know what to do.


Age: 34
Location: Liverpool, UK
Date: October 26, 2016

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