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There is nothing I want more than to go back and stop myself from killing my baby. I killed my baby. My own child...

Abortion Story: New Zealand

Submitted to Abort73 by a 16-year-old woman on August 20, 2016.


I'm 25 days away from the day my precious baby was due to be born. Every day it gets harder to go on. I have to constantly battle with myself, should I take my life today—or should I not? Do I even deserve the sweet release that death would bring? I think I will only be truly be happy when I join my baby in the afterlife. I will never forgive myself, ever! You know what makes my blood boil? When people say it was for the best. If It was, then why am I crying every day? Why do I feel my body ache when I so much as see a baby? Why did I break down when I saw my friend's newborn niece? It was not for the best. Never will it have been. There is nothing I want more than to go back and stop myself from killing my baby. I killed my baby. My own child. I was heartless. I don't deserve happiness or smiles, or love. Because I took away my baby's life, my baby was due the 14th of September 2016. I also think of the fact I could've been having twins. I remember the joy I felt when I looked on the screen and saw the heartbeat flicker and the other sac. I also remember the judgmental woman who did my scan. The fear of judgement is what made me make the decision to not carry on. I was scared of other people and their sly remarks and comments. I was so weak and pathetic. I let my weakness kill my baby. I will always be weak.

Age: 16
Location: New Zealand
Date: August 20, 2016

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