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The pain is too much, and I feel like a monster. I don’t know how long it will take to be myself again...

Abortion Story: Nigeria

Submitted to Abort73 by a 25-year-old woman on May 11, 2016.

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I hope I can change someone else’s mind. Last year I got news that I would have an opportunity to work abroad and make good money. I was all for that, but worried about getting pregnant before I left. I wanted to move as soon as I could, but I had to wait. I knew the longer it took, the greater chance I had, even though at that time I was single. It’s like I foresaw my future, and my fear got worse every day.

In my third month of waiting I started dating. After several months I gave into this guy. To me, it was having fun. I had nothing to worry about; we were using protection. Then he told me that the condom broke and I had to take the emergency pill, which I did. I only had one month left. After two weeks my breasts became so painful. I thought it was my normal period and the effect of the pills. My worst fears came about. I was pregnant. I had less than three weeks. The father gave me the insult of my lifetime and demanded I get rid of the baby. I had the abortion two weeks later. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I was the only hope to my baby. He or she was safe in me, but I was selfish because of the job and the fact that the man was gone.

I have felt empty ever since. I cry every day and beg God to forgive me. My heart always sinks when I think of the abortion because it doesn't heal. I feel sad when I see my friends who are single parents. I wonder why I could not have made it. I would have delivered this September. The pain is too much, and I feel like a monster. I don’t know how long it will take to be myself again, and I always have this suicidal thought. I wonder why God can’t take my life away, but I pretend to be fine to my friends. Sorry for my long story, but don’t never ever think of having an abortion. I miss my baby every day.

Age: 25
Location: Nigeria
Date: May 11, 2016

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