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• /abort73

I cry every single day, over and over and over again. Sometimes I can't catch my breath. I would do anything to rewind time and take it all back. My doctor told me to be kinder to myself, to forgive myself, that I can have another baby. But none of it makes the harsh reality of what I have done any better. I'm 31 and have three beautiful, healthy children. I am divorced and not only the single parent, but the only parent. I had done everything to prevent another pregnancy, but almost miraculously, found myself a mother to be of four. I was worried about my career and taking care of them alone. I would have struggled, but I could have done it. Maybe my child's father would have left me, but I have been left before and become stronger for it. I made the most awful decision because other people wanted me to do it. I wasn't strong enough to do what was right, and that sickens me. The entire time I knew what I was about to do was wrong, but I did it anyway. I sealed my child's fate when he or she had done nothing wrong. My job as a mother is to protect my children, and I didn't do that one simple thing. I feel like a failure as a mother, even to the three I have now. Why was this little one any less important? I struggle with that every day. I miss my baby every minute, and I will never forgive myself for what I have done. I hope my child can forgive me, and as warped as is sounds, knows I love them more than anything in this world.

Age: 31
Location: Boston, MA
Date: January 7, 2016