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Abortion was legalized in January, 1973. By the spring of that same year, at the tender age of 15, I had an abortion. Within two years of my abortion, I was pregnant again with the same father. I gave birth less than a month after turning 18. I can tell you, I never got over the pain, sorrow, and humiliation of living with the knowledge that I was responsible for ending the life of my first baby—and having another baby did not change that. Three years ago, the only child I ever gave birth to died at age 36. As the anniversary of the date of his death gets closer, I am reminded of the fact that I've lost two children. I wrote this poem to express how that "choice" affected me. I don't know if it will help others to read it, but it helped me to write it. I don't believe I am alone in my suggestion that abortion did not solve an inconvenient problem. Instead, it changed the way I viewed myself in a way that I will never recover from, and took the life of my innocent child.

The Baby Who Never Cried...

That day should be your birthday
But it will never come
I took that gift away from you
...when I was very young

I never got to see your face
Or hold you in my arms
How will I ever justify
...what happened in that place

How will I find an answer
If some day you ask me why
I made the choice I did that day
...and why you never got to cry

I felt the choice was made for me
There seemed to be no other
I wish I had another chance
To be my baby's mother

I had no way of knowing
What that choice would do to me
A simple, routine appointment
...and I would be set free

But now I really know the truth
God would have found a way
You never got a choice that day
...you did not have a say

Freedom never came to me
Only shame and guilt and sorrow
And now I must forgive myself
...so I can face tomorrow

I know I've been forgiven
That God's promises are true
He washed away the stain of sin
...he made that girl brand new

I've cried the tears for both of us
But no matter how I try
My heart still feels a shameful loss
For the baby who never cried
ߒ›

"For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb."
-Psalm139:13

Age: 58
Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan
Date: October 10, 2015