Abort73.com > Feedback > Abortion Stories > May 30, 2015

#abortionstories @abort73

I stumbled to the car and passed out... When I woke up, I couldn't stop crying; my life was over. I just killed my baby...

Abortion Story: Springfield, MO

Submitted to Abort73 by a 20-year-old woman on May 30, 2015.

>

In January of 2014 I found out I was pregnant. I had been with my boyfriend at the time for almost a year, and I thought that we were in love. We had talked about having a future together—getting married and having kids. But when things did not go the way he wanted them to, he changed his mind.

I took the test in a Walmart bathroom and cried to myself for several minutes before praying and telling myself everything would be okay. I decided that there was no reason to be sad. This was a miracle, and I was scared but excited! When I told my boyfriend, the first thing out of his mouth was, “We have to have an abortion.” That word has never even crossed my mind, and here the man I thought I loved was telling me we had to do it. He told me that we weren't ready, that I couldn't do it, and that nobody would love it. I knew I could do it, and I knew my family would love it as much as I already did. But there was no changing his mind, and I was too weak and scared to do anything.

I was alone for most of the time, and I fell deeper in love with my baby each moment. Despite the negative and awful things my boyfriend said, I just knew that I would find a way out of it. I almost told my family so many times because I knew they would not let it happen. I almost ran away so that I could have a chance on my own. I didn't have anywhere to go, but I told myself anywhere would be better with my baby. There were times that I almost killed myself because I knew I would not want to live without her.

I went to an appointment at a Pregnancy Care Center with amazing workers—there to help with anything. I talked to a counselor, and she prayed with me then held my hand for the ultrasound. I got to hear her heartbeat. I cried; it was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. I called my boyfriend after the appointment to tell him how amazing it was and that we had to keep her, but he didn't answer the phone. When I showed him the ultrasound picture, he laughed and said it didn’t even look like anything. It was the most amazing moment in my life and the best picture I had ever seen, and he saw nothing. My world was shattered.

He made me make an appointment with the Hope Center. It was four hours away, and I just knew there was no way we could pull it off. I knew this was the way out! We would get caught, my family would hate him, and I would get my baby. But we made it.

The building was terrifying, and the outside was filled with protestors. I wanted to scream for their help, but I kept quiet. We waited for so long and I had to get up many times to go to different spots to answer questions and get blood drawn. It was so scary; I wished I would die. They gave me an ultrasound again, and I was 13 weeks. I turned my head because I could not bear to see her, but out of the corner of my eye I saw it. What had been a tiny speck before was a tiny person. I saw her arm waving. I cried my eyes out before it was time for me to go back. I almost ran away so many times. I wish I had!

The room was tiny, the women crying were many, and I was more scared than I ever thought I would be in my life. Lying on the table, the nurse told me I might feel a little pinch. It was the worst pain I ever felt. I wished they would just kill me! Afterwards, they gave me a pill to take and sent me on my way. I stumbled to the car and passed out from the medication. When I woke up, I couldn't stop crying; my life was over. I just killed my baby. My boyfriend didn't understand. He told me we had our lives back and everything would be back to normal. But I knew it never would, and I knew I hated him.

I couldn't eat, sleep, or even think for several months. I felt dead inside. I continued dating him only because he was the only person I could talk to. Despite how much I hated him, he still let me scream and cry. I eventually started to look up other stories about women who had abortions and ways to help. I started getting close to God and that alone helped a great deal!

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

I broke up with my boyfriend and haven't had anything to do with him since.

I learned that it helps for me to think about the time spent with her. It wasn't a long time and I never felt her move, but my body knew she was there. I was sick for all three months—not just morning sickness but all day! It was terrible and wonderful. I had to hide it from everyone which was hard, but I loved it because it was her. I craved chicken legs every night for the second month at midnight. I would wake up and want them so bad and giggle that that was what she wanted. I also craved orange juice and grape Kool-Aid for all three months. I could not stand to eat chocolate or onions; the smell made me throw up. I was hardly showing at three months—but I could tell a difference, and I loved my belly. I would wake up every morning holding my stomach and smiling. I would give anything to feel it all again.

I still struggle every day, just less than I used to. I still cry sometimes and I will always hurt for what I did. It is mourning the loss of a loved one. I would give anything to hold her in my arms and kiss her sweet face. I know I will get to see her again someday, and that it what keeps me going. I have to remind myself that God forgives my sins; it is forgiving myself that it the hard part.

Age: 20
Location: Springfield, MO
Date: May 30, 2015

Search by related keyword: Boyfriend / Ultrasound / Terrifying / Mourning / Missouri

Previous Abortion Story >

Click here for all Abortion Stories

To share your own abortion story, click here for our online, submission form.

Get Help

If you’re pregnant and contemplating abortion, what a mercy that you’ve found this website! Abortion is not the answer—no matter what anyone is telling you.

Click here to find local help.

Click here for hundreds of real-life abortion stories.

Click here if you've already had an abortion.

Get Involved

Abortion persists because of ignorance, apathy and confusion. Abort73 is working to change that; you can help! Get started below:

Abort73 (Huskies)

Social Media Graphics:

Post them online to introduce your friends, fans or followers to Abort73.com.

Love Lets Live

Abort73 Shirts:

Be a walking billboard for Abort73.com.

Without Life, There is No Liberty

Abort73 Promo Cards:

Stash some in your wallet or purse and be ready to hand them out or strategically leave them behind.

Defend the Cause of the Weak and the Helpless

Support Abort73

Abort73 is part of Loxafamosity Ministries, a 501(c)3 nonprofit. We are almost entirely supported by private donations—all of which are tax-deductibe. Click here to make a contribution.

Giving Assistant is another way raise money for Abort73 at thousands of online retailers. Use this link to get started.