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I have never felt this sad before. I wish nobody else had to go through this pain—the pain that feels like it will never go away...

Abortion Story: California

Submitted to Abort73 by a 18-year-old woman on July 11, 2014.

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June 2 is a day I will never forget. It’s the day I decided to go through with the second part of my abortion pill. I decided to take the abortion pill because I thought it would be more private. My boyfriend was the only one that knew I was getting it done. But since he is a camp counselor during the summer, he wouldn't be able to be there for me. This meant I only had myself to go through the process with. The process was not what I imagined. It wasn't quite as painful, but I was nervous. I cried for days afterwards. I was very sad. My boyfriend didn't really talk about the situation. I felt like I was going through all these emotions, and he stood there with none of this phasing him. He is still at camp. I wake up in the middle of the night and cry. I pray to my little angel every night. I say I am very sorry, but I know I can never change anything. I wish so many things; I wish I could hold it in my arms, know the sex of this beautiful being, hold its hand, watch it take its first step, teach it to read, to ride a bicycle, feed it Gerber food, fight over whether "mom" or "dad" would be its first word—see them go off to school and cry over them growing up. I wish my little angel could be a part of my life, I wish I allowed it to become something so wonderful. It is hard going through this because I know my boyfriend tries to be strong for me, but I feel he isn't expressing any emotion. It is hard keeping this private because I don't want anyone knowing what I did. But it is hard not having someone there. I will always live with a constant "what if?” I have never felt this sad before. I wish nobody else had to go through this pain—the pain that feels like it will never go away.

Age: 18
Location: California
Date: July 11, 2014

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