• Videos / 
• Gear / 
• Blog / 
• Podcast / 
• Substack

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• /abort73

I don't even know where to begin. Abortion was definitely the hardest thing I've had to do in my short 16 years of life. My boyfriend and I were both shocked when I found out I was pregnant. I immediately thought, “I’m way to young to go through with this.” I was scared; he was scared. I didn't want to tell anyone. Besides us, only my doctor knew. It was April 2014 when I told my doctor I hadn't had my period since late November. I didn't think anything of it because my period has never been normal. He took my urine to test, and the next day I got an email saying it was positive. My heart sank into my stomach. I never thought this would happen to me; I didn't think it was real life. The day after I found out I told my mom, totally expecting her to kick me out of the house. I couldn't even say the words, "I'm pregnant.” I just kept saying, "I'm sorry.” I got a response I wasn't expecting. She didn't yell, and she didn't put me down about it—like it was the worst thing I've ever done, even though I know it was. She asked if she could call her friend because she knows about this stuff, and I let her. She came back into my room and told me we were going to a clinic in Cranston. So we went. I got an ultrasound and found out I was 23 weeks and 4 days—which means I was 7 months pregnant and would be due in early August. I didn't get to look at the baby. I didn't get to hear the heartbeat. I didn't even get to know the sex. We were told, my mom and I, that they couldn't preform the abortion in Rhode Island because I was too far along. We had to travel to New York. That friday, we took the train to New York and, I got the first part of the procedure done. We went back to the hotel room,  and the next day I got the abortion done. To this day, I have so many regrets and so much confusion about the whole process. Only my boyfriend, my doctor, my mom and myself know about what happened. Everything reminds me of what happened. Some days I’ll be fine and others I’ll be a wreck. I feel like no one knows how I feel, and no one can relate to me. The only positive outcome of my pregnancy was how close it made me and my mom. I love her and respect her so much more for being there for me. She has no clue how much her understanding has helped me.

[Editor’s note: This is a strange and conflicting conclusion. After declaring that abortion has filled her with regret and isolation, this distraught young woman goes on to express gratitude for the “support” of the one who instigated the abortion. Clearly, the human heart has an overwhelming need for companionship—in whatever form it comes.]

Age: 16
Location: Newport, RI
Date: June 5, 2014