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• /abort73

If I could have just one "Do Over" in life, it would be my abortion. Though my regrets and sins are legion, this is the one sin that has caused me the most grief, for it was a sin which took away the life of an innocent. It was preconceived murder on my part, regardless of how I justified it in my own mind—and how our society pushed it on me as the "solution" to my problem. The guilt and depression immediately afterwards sent me into a downward spiral of promiscuity, drugs, suicide attempts, self-loathing and finally, a deep despair which permeated every aspect of my existence. Nothing made sense to me; the world really seemed to be a very hostile place, and nothing seemed worth living or dying for—at least not for many years.

Nearly ten years after my abortion and a few years into a rocky marriage (as a result of my very unstable emotional state), I gave birth to a daughter. Everything looked whole and happy in my life from the outside, but inside I was still struggling with so many doubts and questions. I thought I was an atheist and that belief in God was only for weak people who needed a crutch. But here was this tiny baby who was utterly dependent upon me—and who was I but a total emotional wreck, unable to even make a rational decision for my own life? I went through all the motions, but I was very depressed, and having nightmares and seriously considering suicide. I realized that all my "causes”—all the popular things that I had believed, were not real or worth giving my life to. What I needed were the real answers: "What are we here for? What is life about? What am I to teach this child for whom I am responsible? What is true?" In desperation, I started to pray and read the Bible, since I had looked everywhere BUT there for answers. After a few months of reading, a deep sorrow and repentance for my abortion came over me as well as sorrow for all my sin and rebellion against a Lord so loving that He would take my sins upon Himself and die for me—to make me clean and pure again. By then, I had confessed my sins to Him, including this sin that had so calloused my heart that I had turned away from all that I knew was good and believed every lie of the devil for so many years. I knew His forgiveness then, and that in His eyes I was clean and white as snow. Such a thankfulness and joy washed over me, and a release from all the guilt and shame—and a desire to live to please this One who had rescued me from my sins!

My life has gone in a totally different direction since that time so many years ago. I did not know Him very well as a new Christian but have come to know Him as my dearest Friend as I've continued to read His word every day—to be a part of His Church. He has led me step by step to a place of certainty and joy in my faith. I have had a beautiful life, full of His grace and goodness, even wisdom, and delight in worshiping a God so worthy of all our best. He has blessed me with children and grandchildren, with a wonderful marriage, with so many opportunities to tell of His love for me, while I was still a sinner, and for His great preservation and perseverance with me.

Abortion is a lie from the pit of hell, and I believed the lie. But greater is He who is in me, a single, solitary, weak and miserable sinner, than he who is in the world. Forgiveness is real. Jesus Christ is real, and He is ever willing to save to the uttermost! Praise be to Jesus Christ!

Age: 62
Location: Florida
Date: April 17, 2014