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• /abort73

I am 23-years-old. Three years ago, I had an abortion. The first time I slept with this guy, I became pregnant. But I made a mistake because this guy already had a child of his own. He had a Family, and he never made me anything more than just a "friend.” I told myself I was more than that, but I was in denial. I've never been so hurt and confused in my life. I had no one to talk to. Not even him. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I had thoughts of revenge. I was so spiteful for his lying to me. I wanted to have that baby to get him back. I realized I was overreacting, so I thought the situation over. I had the abortion in August 2011. Since then, I've hated myself for it, especially because I never told him. We talked on and off, and I started to fall in love again. The more I cared, the scarier it was to confess. I was scared he would think I was lying. I also felt it was pointless—until he had another child. That kinda slapped me in the face. But after I saw how happy he was, I then started to think I did the right thing. When he showed me pictures of his new baby, I would act so happy—but at the same time, I felt guilty as hell. I recently admitted to him what I had done. I thought it would bring peace. He had no words. Maybe I make him sick. I'm not sure how he took it. I just hope he understands. I couldn't mess up his or my life just because I loved him. Having kids out of wedlock causes nothing but drama. I knew if I kept that baby, I would have to see his face every day for the rest of my life—knowing I could never have him, which is pathetic. At the end of the day, I blame myself for trusting a man who didn't belong to me in the first place.

Age: 23
Location: New York
Date: February 24, 2014