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I'm 21 and have had one miscarriage and one abortion. When I was 17, I was a senior in school and was having unprotected sex. When I found out I was pregnant, I had a hard time dealing with it because I was so young and living with my cousin and her child. Although I was scared and saddened by the news, I told the father of my child, and we both decided to keep the baby. His family was very supportive. A couple of days after finding out we were having a boy, I started to feel bad cramps and pain. I started to bleed and went to the ER where I later had to deliver my son whose heart had stopped beating. My son’s father and I were so devastated and heartbroken after this. He really wanted to have another child and asked me if I wanted to try again, but I couldn't even look at him without seeing my son so I disappeared from his life for a while. I went through depression and went through a lot of struggles after my miscarriage. I was later told by doctors that I would struggle to have children because I was constantly getting cysts on my ovaries. So the thought of getting pregnant didn't even cross my mind. I then moved to another city. I started college and worked part time and met my then boyfriend. We started to have unprotected sex and within two months of us being together, I got pregnant—which I thought wasn't even possible. I took two pregnancy tests and went to the doctor where I cried when he confirmed I was pregnant. I was so scared to talk to my boyfriend and tell him I was pregnant—terrified of his reaction. When I did tell him, it was exactly what I expected. He wasn't angry but told me to get an abortion. That was his final decision. He said he wasn't ready for a child, and he told me he knew too many people who had struggled, and he wanted me to finish school and didn't want to have a child if it was a mistake. I agreed that I needed to finish school and needed to get my career going before having a child. In the back of my head, though, I wanted to keep the baby. My boyfriend drilled it into my head every day that he wanted an abortion. I felt like I had no other way. When I went to my appointment, I went alone. I was so scared, and so confused and lost, that I cried the entire time. The nurses at the clinic were nice enough to come and comfort me and told me it was my choice what to do. When I saw my baby’s heartbeat and heard it, my heart dropped and I bawled my eyes out. I was so upset. I felt like just running, but I was frozen. I just couldn't move and the procedure happened. That was it; the deed was done. I hated myself afterwards for what I had done. I knew it was the wrong choice. I thought to myself, “How could you hurt what God gave you?” And I cried every day for a month. I know God forgives us for our sins, and I know he had forgiven me for the horrible thing I had done. But If God could forgive me, why couldn't I forgive myself? I feel like a horrible person and will live with this decision for the rest of my life. I just hope one day I can learn to forgive myself like God has forgiven me.

I truly encourage girls to take a different route when it comes to having an abortion. It may seem like a decision easy to make, but it comes with a lot of emotional consequences in the long run.

Age: 21
Location: Canada
Date: January 31, 2014