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• /abort73

I was 16 when I had an abortion, last year in fact. I had been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years and 6 months. We were sexually active to the point where I got too comfortable, and we'd have sex with and without a condom. We broke up for a while, which was when I found out I was pregnant. When I first told him about it, he ignored me for two or more weeks. He still went out; he still partied, had sex and made out with other girls. Not too long after, my mother found out I was pregnant. It was the worst feeling ever. I was only in year 10; I had just started school in September. I felt alone, ashamed—everything. I never had high esteem in my life, and I always felt like things never went right for me. My mother and step-father were about to kick me out the house. They had me pack all of my clothes, and they were trying to get me to call my ex-boyfriend to come and get me. My boyfriend was only 17, and if his father found out, he would have been kicked out of the house as well. My mother told her best friend, whose been like an aunt to me all my life. She talked my mom into letting me have an abortion. It was not what I wanted to do. I couldn't imagine myself having an abortion, especially since I bad-mouthed girls who had one. I had no faith in God because things never went right for me. I was totally WRONG! if I had kept the baby, I would have been kicked out the house, with no job or support. My boyfriend turned his back on me. I was all alone. A week later, I was in America, and I was at an abortion centre. I thought I was one-month pregnant, however I was four. They gave me Pitocin to help dilate me, which felt worst than period cramps!! I waited in pain for hours, hungry, because I wasn't allowed to eat—tears pouring down my face out of fear that God wasn't ever going to forgive me. I kept asking myself what I was doing. How did I end up here? How could I let myself stoop so low? I don't remember much of the actual procedure because I was zoning in and out from the local anesthesia, but I remember feeling scraping. The pain was intense. After the abortion and my trip back home, all my mother ever did was throw it in my face. I'd lost my child and my boyfriend, who I thought was my best friend. Everything in my life was a mess. One Sunday recently, I went to church. I wasn't even planning on going, but my dad forced me to. While sitting in the congregation, I suddenly got an urge. The pastor kept calling up people who were hurt, who needed forgiveness, who needed answers from God. There were several people standing at the alter. I still felt the burning urge; I felt a painful ball forming in my throat, the kind you get when you're about to cry, only I wasn't going to cry at the moment. The more I ignored it, the more my body began to burn. It didn't feel like fire but rather an unexplainable feeling. The pastor then said he was waiting for another male and two young ladies who need to come now. Thats when I realized that God was calling me to the alter. I quickly got up, without any shoes on and walked to the alter. When he came to me, I began to cry. My step-father was there to comfort me. My pastor held my hand tight, as if he understood what I went through and was still going through. In tears and all burnt out; I asked God for forgiveness. I must confess that I haven't been living up to my Christian duties since I've changed, but it's not easy. I'm still trying to get the hang of it, and hopefully I will very soon—now that God forgives me. I really want forgiveness from my child. I never meant to hurt it. I love it, and if I could have supported it, I would have kept it. I just began school again. I'm in my last year of secondary education. Last week, a boy in my class found it funny to talk about class "who's." My class is very small, and we're all very very close. He thought it funny to broadcast the fact that I had an abortion. I don't know how he found out because I told no one in my class—only my best friend, outside of the school. The whole class hates him now, and he doesn't even know it. I broke down in tears through my classes because I felt exposed, but my classmates really supported me and apologized for the tragedy. After realizing that the class hated him, he tried to apologize, but I find it hard to forgive him. He doesn't have any respect for me or girls on a whole. I hope one day I can forgive him, but for now I'm trusting in God that he'll get what he deserves. I'm just going to continue to kill him with kindness. I'm not pleased about having an abortion, but I know my child is safe with God, and when the time comes around, I hope to see it, and I hope it forgives me for what I've done.

Age: 17
Location: Turks and Caicos Islands
Date: September 29, 2012