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• /abort73

I had an abortion in high school. I didn't know how to explain how I felt or what I was feeling, but it wasn't familiar. Now I explain it as being raped. I took my clothes off, I was put under during the surgery, then I woke up in another bed with my clothes on. Who put my clothes on? Who put me in this bed? What happened during surgery? I was young and didn't ask these questions. I just left the clinic, picked up my medicine, then went to bed. I became very sensitive to pregnancy. I got pregnant from a long-time partner. I knew the moment he was conceived. I wanted to have an abortion, but I couldn't. I wanted to give him up for adoption, but I couldn't. I had a neighbor who volunteered to take him until I could raise him, but I couldn't give him up at all. My partner and I split up, and he took our son. That was in 2004; I still have not seen him. I got pregnant by my husband and I had a miscarriage. I got pregnant again by my husband and due to the strife in my life, I had an abortion. I got pregnant again, and due to the horrible living circumstances, I had an abortion. I got pregnant again and when I went to the abortion clinic, the nurse asked how I realized I was pregnant because it was so early in the pregnancy. I couldn't have that baby. My life was awful, and the child I did have is not in my life. What will he think when I gave him up and had other children? I had another abortion. It didn't matter anyway, it's not even formed into anything. It's like an egg yoke, a blob, no life, nothing. That's the lie I repeatedly told myself. These are the lies I repeatedly told myself, "My life is unknown, my life is awful, I'm aborting it before it becomes life. It's nothing. What will my son think if I have a child after I gave him up to his father?" I was baptized and confirmed into the church. I committed sins, and now I am cleansed. That's another lie. I was having dinner with my husband, in a public restaurant, when a gentleman approached me and said, "you had multiple abortions." The spirits of my children follow me. I imagine these beautiful little people following me around waiting for me to tell them why I cut their life short. I didn't give them a chance to live. I didn't give our lives together a chance. I just cut them out of my body, I cut them out of my life and now they follow me around. I pray for them. I talk to them. I tell them that I'm stupid. I tell them I'm sorry for their lives. I tell them that I love them. I ask for them to forgive me. Please don't have an abortion. There's always another answer.

Age: 36
Location: USA
Date: March 19, 2013