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I did not have a good upbringing. My mother suffered with depression and my father did not know how to show love. I suffered through a lot of verbal abuse and neglect. I led a very rebellious life while I was in high school. I craved for attention since I was not getting what was needed at home. I remember counting down the days until I would turn 18, just to not live at home anymore.  While I was attending college I met the guy of my dreams. So I thought. He was very good looking, intelligent, and came from a very well to do family. He was my everything. My God. We partied all the time. However, after a few months of going out, he started to hit me. I thought it was wrong, but I still stayed with him. I remember having a huge bruise on my arm. The size of a grapefruit. I had to hide it and I only told a few of my friends. He always promised me he would stop. He would for 6-12 months. Eventually it would start up again. It was a cycle that was never ending. This was when I developed an eating disorder. I started to exercise and weigh myself all the time. My eating disorder was keeping me "strong."  After two years of going out with him, I became pregnant. I was 20 years old at the time. All I remember was crying and hating myself for letting this happen. My boyfriend was all in for an abortion, and so was I. I did not want to become fat, and I did not want to stop partying. So, I had an abortion. The process was very painful. However, I felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. That is what Satan was telling me at the time.  My boyfriend graduated from college a year after my abortion. I moved to the Milwaukee area with him since that was where he was from. He found a job and I was going to school full-time, taking on a lot of credits. He always found a reason to party. I, on the other hand, was focusing more on school. When I moved, I felt so alone. I did not have any friends because, I was going to a new college. I also felt defeated. He was still hitting me, and I was still relying on my eating disorder to get me through.  I went back home a lot to visit with my friends. During that time, I cheated on him. I did not want to be with him anymore. I broke up with him and left all of my "material things" that his parents bought for me and moved back home. I moved back in with my parents. I was moving from a bad situation to another bad situation. During this time I met my husband.  It was love at first sight. He treated me with respect, and he would never hit me. I moved to the Rockford area to be with him. We were together for a year and two months and I found out I was pregnant. When I found out, I cried. I told him that I felt the urge to keep the baby. It was not an urge but God. We moved into a house, got married and I had my daughter. What a blessing she is. I could not imagine my life without her.  When my daughter was almost two, I wanted to try for another baby. So this time after I took the pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant, I was crying of HAPPINESS! I was 8 months pregnant when my husband's family's business almost burned to the ground. It was a horrible time for him. A month later his dad passed away. My youngest daughter was born a month afterwards. It was very bittersweet.  After everything happened, my husband worked very hard to get the business off the ground. I was a "stay at home mom" who was more of a single parent.  A year after my father in-law died, I found out that my father had lung cancer and he had 6 months to live. This was during a time in my life that I actually reached out to God. I asked Him for strength and help. My father was on hospice care the last 6 months of his life. I took care of him, and I forgave him.  After my father's death, we started going to a Lutheran Church. My girls and I were both baptized. I found that I was reaching out more to God. However, I did not have God in my heart.  In 2008 through 2010, my husband's company was making a great deal of money. I started to work for my husband in 2007. During this period of time my husband was going through a lot of ups and downs… he was depressed. Since the company was doing well we spent money like water. It was selfishness, greed, and power. We were going to church on and off. I later found out I was pregnant. I was not planning this, and it was a complete shock. The first thing I thought of was myself. I did not want to give up my job. I did not want to go through being pregnant again. I had an abortion. It was horrible. I cried and cried. I was helpless. After I had the abortion, my husband's company lost a huge account. My husband and I were the verge of divorce, and EVERYTHING was going wrong.  God was punishing me for taking away a life. Yes, a life! A life that was put there by God. A little while after that time I met one of my neighbors one house down from me… she planted a seed in my heart. She asked if we wanted to join book club with them and another couple. I was all up for it! During that summer, I noticed a change. God was working on my heart. I stopped cursing, I stopped my selfish greedy acts, and I finally felt at peace. She told me that I had to read the book Redeeming Love. After 5 months, I finally downloaded it onto my Ipad. It changed my life even more. I think that was when I gave God my heart… God gave me the forgiveness that I was asking for all these years.  Giving my life to God and having the Holy Spirit in your heart is such a profound feeling.  I would always ask, "Why me Lord? Why??" Now I know why. God forgives all who ask for forgiveness. He wants us to come to Him. I was so blinded for so many years. Now I know who is my rock.  My life is not PERFECT and God challenges me every day. However, I keep praying and reading my Bible. I want all the women who read my story to know that they are not alone and God will forgive you. You are the one who has to make the first move.

Age: 36
Location: Rockton, IL
Date: February 28, 2013