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• /abort73

An accomplice to murder, that's what I am... Not just once but three times. In my teenage years I was the "go-to" man for just about anything. I knew where the party was, the dope, the fun, and unfortunately, the abortion.

The first was one my best friend's girlfriend. She'd gotten pregnant and they both knew they did not want the baby. I was put in charge of finding out the necessary information on where the best and most"professional" place to have an abortion. As any good friend would do, I found out where that place would be, how to pay, made the appointment, and even drove them to the clinic (I was also the most knowledgeable about Atlanta). I remember going there and seeing the place, it wasn't scary or ugly but I knew (even then) that something was not right about that place, it just seemed dark and well evil. I remember sitting with my buddy in the lobby while his girlfriend went back all alone to have her abortion. Nobody knew about this trip except us three and when I say nobody, I mean nobody (not her parents, not his, and not mine, it was all done secretly). I don't remember how long it took but when she came out, she kinda jumped out of the door and said "it's over, lets go". She was, for all intensive purposes, acting like she always had, like nothing was ever wrong. I remember thinking, wow, she just killed a baby and she seems okay with it. We then went to get some prescriptions filled, something to eat, and then headed home. It always bothered me.

I spoke with the girlfriend some 20 years later about that day. She was scarred and yet had come to peace with it as she had resolved her life by surrendering it to Jesus. She discussed her difficult years and I apologized for my part. The main thing is that we were both scarred, her more than me but nonetheless we both carried the scars of that decision.

The second was about a year later. Another close friend came and told me his girlfriend was pregnant and they wanted to have an abortion. He knew I knew the place they could go. So, I gave them all the information and they took care of their abortion.

My friend later confided in me that he was having a very difficult time with it and his now former girlfriend had just about lost it. She just couldn't get it out of her head what she had done... Killed her baby.

The third came about another year later. This time, it was my sister. Our parents knew and knew what they wanted. Nobody liked the boyfriend and nobody wanted her tied to him. I volunteered my services and all was set-up. It was the same place as the other two and like the first, I was the driver and point person.

This time it was very different. After the abortion my sister lay in the back seat weeping and wondering if she'd ever be forgiven for killing a baby. Her quote was "How can I be forgiven for murder?" She wept and wept and wept. Things were very silent around the house. My sister had a tough recovery as she bled a lot and cried a lot.

For me, I thought how would I be forgiven for helping murder three unborn children. I prayed for my sister and our family. Yep, I said pray. In the most outward way, we represented a Christian family, we just didn't wear our sin on our sleeve where everybody could see. For me, I can't fully say that I was a believer simply because of the way I was living any fruit was rotten and non-existent.

Somehow, we all made it through that dark moment. We never really talked about it. It was all dealt with in sublime gestures and "looks" between each other. We knew we'd done wrong and our way of dealing with it was with unspoken gestures, hugs, and silence.

In all honesty, I do not think my sister has fully worked through or processed all of that and I pray that God will one day set her free from that time by showing her His forgiveness but I know it is difficult for her to process. She now serves the Lord faithfully and is happily married with children of her own.

Back to the accomplice, once I had a real revelation of who Jesus is, I began to ponder these times in my life. After careful consideration of the evidence and I knew I was just as guilty of murder as the three that had them. I asked God if this were true? He said, yes but my grace is sufficient for you and them. I confessed my sin and asked him to forgive me and He did.

While I know I have been forgiven and forgiveness is readily available to my friends and family, I (like them) have to live with the memories and believe me, they are real.

Age: 46
Location: Georgia
Date: April 7, 2012