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• /abort73

Unfortunately, I wasn't in a relationship when I found out I was pregnant or when I had the abortion.

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me, and I thought having sex with someone else would help me take my mind off of things. I found out a couple of weeks later my period was late. Then eventually it never came. Being that it was towards the end of the school year, I figured it was due to stress; not pregnancy.

After a while, I got back in touch with my ex boyfriend, and we wanted to fix things between us. But I told him how my period never came, and he convinced me to take a pregnancy test. I was reluctant to do so because if I found out I was (pregnant), I didn't know what I would do! I didn't know how I would handle it and how my family would handle it. And the worst part about it is that I didn't know the father. I had a pretty good guess, but the fact that I didn't know who fathered my child was just bad enough.

So, I waited 3 months to get the abortion. And being at that clinic was the scariest part. I asked for anesthesia because I'd rather not be awake during the process, but I wish I was. As the nurses were asking me questions, I saw the doctor setting up tools, getting ready to abort my baby, and that's when I realized I didn't want to go through with it anymore. I didn't want to abort the baby that I already learned to love. I had changed my mind. And as my lips were forming the words "stop"...I fell asleep and woke up without a baby and a broken heart. A part of me died when I realized I was no longer pregnant. Although the baby wasn't with the man I loved, I loved that baby!

So time went by. I took some summer school classes. And now it's spring semester and my post-abortion feelings have hit me quite hard. I'm not exactly sure what to do! I am full of so much regret. I am back with my ex-boyfriend, but just last night he broke up with me because I can't handle my feelings. Because my abortion has made me so unhappy, and I feel like that it so unfair. I understand that abortion is something you must come to terms with but I just cannot do it at the moment. But I don't think that's a reason to break up with the girl you truly love and want to marry. I just wish he would understand this is the time I need him the most.

I am going crazy and I'm not sure what to do. I lost my baby, I'm dealing with these emotions, and now my boyfriend broke up with me because I can't come to terms with my feelings.

Age: 19
Location: Athens, GA
Date: March 5, 2012