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I saw an anti-abortion booth at a traveling fair when I was 10. I held onto the little card they gave out of a fetus cartoon with the bubble, " I have rights too!!!" for at least 10 years. It got all dirty and dog-eared, but I kept it. (I threw it out after my abortion.) I was a good Protestant girl from a broken, poor, and dysfunctional family (and by dysfunctional, please read between the lines), but still a Christian who valued all kinds of people nonetheless. A survivor. And by "survivor," please read between the lines. I ended up 18 in the South with an alcoholic boyfriend I was afraid of, a guy I had met in Jersey. The man performing the abortion looked like Mussolini with a slick smile, as if he might try to pick me up in a bar under different circumstances. No counseling, "We prefer cash. You really must hurry." Because I was a "Caucasian" lamb to slaughter, the nurse coddled me a bit more. She knew I was at risk of being a runner. Even at 18, I was on to their B.S. game. But I just wanted sweet relief, and I was afraid of more welfare offices. It wasn't even the guy (though, if you want to lose a boyfriend or any marriage prospect, abort HIS kid... he called me for months afterwards in a buzzed stupor, after I had moved back North, saying he wished I had kept our "daughter" one he would have named "Michaela"). It was being alone and poor that scared me most. Pro-lifers!!! It means nothing without thinking of the quarter of American children with nothing!!! Greed literally kills for God's sake!!! We take such advantage of child-bearing women in our society. We all know breast milk is the best medicine to keep babies strong and women emotionally and physically healthy, but the formula industry makes billions pushing their garbage on our children. So goes the abortion complex. Follow the money and the lobbyists!!! I wonder about "Mussolini." Did his wife fool herself as she drove her precious "angels" (ANGELS of her husband's making) to horse riding lessons? I bet there was a lot of pensive cocktail hours in that well-appointed home. I went back to the "ladies health emporium" a week later for the check-up, because I so wanted to have babies someday and saw the picket signs at the entrance. Why hadn't they been there the week before? Like many other gals in the same situation, I spent the next six and a half months crying in spurts, furious and ashamed. Suckered. Baby clothes in a store killing me. Phantom love asking why. I got pregnant with the next guy as a sub-conscious band-aid. Both times my birth control failed, but I think it was all emotion controlling it. He spat on me and walked away when I refused another abortion. I went straight to the welfare office, HEAD HELD HIGH. It was f'ing brutal being alone, poor, and pregnant at 19, dreaming of college and a family. I'm not going to lie about that one. It was only for 5 months though, and then I got my precious baby, born of medicaid in the best hospital I could find. I had her naturally and I felt like superwoman!!! You know, I was because I was healed then. I love that now-grown woman with all my heart, and her sister and brother too. I wasn't on welfare long. I went to college, and I pay taxes and married a great guy. IT IS ALL ABOUT VALUING YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL AND UTERUS!!! Walk like you own it with that baby in your arms because life and love is all yours, and so many will help you in that journey. Like ELO says, "It's A Living Thing" and we ALL SURVIVE to come out the other end!!! Or at least, a quarter of us do.

Age: 45
Location: USA
Date: February 2, 2012