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• /abort73

When I was 24, I lived a party lifestyle, hooked up with a meth addict, and got pregnant. The guy was untrustworthy and a heavy drug user, and my reasoning was that it would be 'hell' to have a kid with him, so I had the abortion. I regretted it immediately. I knew that it was morally wrong, that I had killed God's creation. I was already into drugs, but I went from marijuana to cocaine every day, and drinking myself to sleep in a self-hatred state of depression. The father was even worse than if I had kept the baby. He yelled at me over and over, how I killed his baby, and I was a murderer. I had to get away! So I moved to Hawaii, away from everyone and everything, trying to start new, but soon fell into the bar in my depression and started using drugs again too. I could not even be with my excellent boyfriend because of the self-hatred, and fear of having to get another abortion, which I would not ever do!

Thank God for the bold witness of my manager, who read her bible at work. I thought I would try anything to get out of this pit, so I bought a bible. In reading it my mind was cleared and I found the answer to my pain, guilt, and depression. The love of God and the mercy He showed on the Cross, by paying for my sins, even before I committed murder. He knew and offered Himself in the place of the wrath of God that was meant for me. Jesus came into my life and brought redemption, freedom from shame, and lifted my head. The bible reading washed my mind and I am now free from all drugs, drinking, depression.

I do still regret my abortion. I think that my baby was probably a boy, and I named him Joshua. Knowing that God has him in heaven, that his life is preserved for our one day meeting when, by the blood of Jesus, I enter the kingdom of heaven, is the only comfort I have in thinking about my terrible decision. Only God, the creator of life, can redeem life. Jesus is the Firstborn from the dead, and He holds the keys of death, so in Him we have life forevermore. The real relationship I have cultivated with Jesus, by His Holy Spirit, fills my heart, mind, and emotions with hope, joy, and peace. When dark thoughts come, and they do because of the regret of the abortion, I turn to the word of God, and His light removes the darkness. I truly believe that I was very ignorant and weak in making the decision to have my baby killed, when there are so many alternatives and help for women who are afraid. If you want to have a haunting darkness follow you the rest of your life, trying to bring you down to death, like you may be thinking of doing to your child....BUT I'm sure you don't! So choose LIFE, the author and finisher of LIFE will help you, call on His name, JESUS.

Age: 31
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Date: October 22, 2011