• Videos / 
• Gear / 
• Blog / 
• Podcast / 
• Substack

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• /abort73

I became pregnant in February and found out I was pregnant in March. I knew something wasn't right when I went out one night and had one drink and was on my knees throwing up the next morning, feeling like I had a bad hangover… I went and bought a pregnancy test after work that night and sure enough it read positive. I went to my boyfriend's house right after to share the news and we both decided that I should get an abortion. This all happened on a Friday and we scheduled my abortion the next day, a week and a half later. On the days leading up to it, deep inside I was hoping something would come up and that I for some reason would not be able to make it to the clinic. I almost felt like it was the baby trying to give me a message. But sure enough that day came and we went to Planned Parenthood and terminated the pregnancy via the abortion pill. While the nurse was examining me she asked if I wanted to see the ultra-sound and I knew I would regret saying no so I agreed to it. And there it was, a living baby inside of me...my baby. I felt sad but I knew I had to go through with it for many reasons, such as money problems and my potential move across the country and just in general not feeling as if I was fit to be a parent yet.

I took the first pill there and took the rest the next day as instructed. My boyfriend took off work and rented out a hotel room for us for the next few days so we could have our privacy and so I could recover in peace. After the weeks following that day it seemed as if my boyfriend took it harder than I did, he would break down and cry at night sometimes and even had to leave work early one day because he could not hold it together. He even told me a few weeks later that all I had to do was say no and that we could have kept it. Now it's June and I am still sitting here, crying, regretting that awful, awful decision. Even putting him/her up for adoption would have been a much better path to follow.

I used to live by the saying "no regrets, just mistakes", and now I can truly say that I DO regret this, and that I will for the rest of my life. It is the biggest mistake that I have made and I would do whatever I could to go back in time. If you are thinking about having an abortion, PLEASE think long and hard about your decision. There ARE other options out there for you aside from terminating your pregnancy, all you have to do is ask for help. Even Planned Parenthood can help you choose another option if you just ask them. It's relief at first but it's a lot of unwanted pain, suffering, and guilt afterwards. Find out your choices first and then base your decision on that. I'm so sad about what I've had to go through and I would never wish this pain on anyone else. I know I will get through it, but it won't be easy and I will never not regret it. But I will eventually move on with my life when I am ready, but I will never let my baby leave my heart.

Age: 22
Location: California
Date: June 16, 2011