Submitted to Abort73 by a 25-year-old woman on March 16, 2013.
My beautiful angel baby, I am thinking of you today. It's been 5 years since I let you go. I feel awful, I always think of you—what you would have been in life. If you would have had my features or dad's. Have blonde hair or be good at singing. It was one of the hardest things I did, well, it was the hardest thing I did. I went 3 times and couldn't do it. I saw a side view of your ultrasound that the nurse left, and I cried so bad. I still remember how it looked. I sometimes want to call the Planned Parenthood and ask id they still have my file and your ultrasound photo. I don't know why I did it. I felt pressured from my mom. I was so scared. I became pregnant with you a month after your older brother was born, so I was confused. Dad and mom didn't have much and I didn't want you to suffer. Your birth date would have been September 12, 2008, that was your due date. You're turning 5 years old this year. I know you're in heaven with your older sibling that mom miscarried, and mom just lost another baby last week. I'm devastated and think I am getting punished for my mistake, but I know it isn't true. I believe God has forgiven me, and I hope you do too. I got pregnant with your sister 3 months after I let you go. I felt horrible that I ended up pregnant anyway and gave you up. I'm sorry, my baby, you're my angel. February 28, 2008 was your last day in my womb. I'm so sorry; I still remember that day and it does hurt. I didn't want to do it, I shouldn't have. I left that awful place. I even had the IV hooked up, and I started to scream before they put me to sleep. They put me in the recovery room and I ran out of there. That was my second time I ran out of there. The third time I stood and went through with it. I'm so sorry, please forgive me and dad. One day I will meet you in heaven. I will hold you in my arms and kiss your face all up. We will play and laugh, and I'll tell you stories and teach you to sing and just show you how much I love you. I hope you know I love you, and please don't hate me. Sleep on my pillow at night with your older sibling and now your younger one. You three are my angel babies. I'm so sad. I think of you all the time now that I want another baby. You're my love, and we will meet again, and I won't ever let you go. Your picture is in my mind all the time, my ANGEL. I LOVE YOU.