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Abortion Story: New Mexico

Submitted to Abort73 by a 20-year-old woman on February 19, 2013.

This is the first time that I have told my story. I had an abortion on 1/26/2011. I was 15 weeks pregnant and 17 years old. My boyfriend and I had only been together for 6 months. We really wanted to keep it, and I was extremely excited. I knew right away I was pregnant. The day after my missed period, I was so nauseous and sick and tired. I took about 12 pregnancy tests: all positive. I was one month pregnant and we had only been together three months, but we decided to take responsibility. Our baby was supposed to be born the week of our anniversary, July 27. We would have graduated high school, made plans for me for college, and he had a job. I was a cheerleader and had already quit the team, even though the doctor said that I didn't need to because I was in such good shape. I never actually told my mom, she just figured it out. We never told his parents or family, but a few of our friends knew. Although we were fairly young, my boyfriend and I were ready to own up to the consequences of having sex (we always used condoms, but there is always that 1%* and that was our baby). We already had names for a boy and a girl. My mom and grandma took me to the abortion clinic two times, and both times I refused to get an abortion. By the third time, they had mentally worn me down. They called me things like "whore" and "slut" and said things like, "You can't do it… You won't make it… This thing is just a mistake." And I was so shocked because they were both devout Catholics and I attended a Catholic high school. I was, and still am, very devoted to my faith. I was so strong against their ugly words for about a month, listening to the positive things my boyfriend would say. The third time we went down to the clinic, I did the worst thing that anybody could do: I aborted my baby. I fought so hard, and I just gave up. I let them get to me and in my moment of weakness, I did it. I am 20 years old now. Every single day I regret it. I think about how I should have went to his parents, a teacher, a coach, a counselor, another family member, anyone who could have helped me. My boyfriend and I are still together. He was so hurt when it happened, and I really thought he was going to break up with me, but he didn't. The abortion itself was so painful. I will never wish that pain and pressure on anybody. To top it all off, it was anti-abortion and LIFE week at my high school the week after I had the abortion. My teacher went over all the different types of abortions and step-by-step on how they are done. Even right down to the abortion specialist that I went to in my city. All that pain that I felt when the abortion was done, I was feeling all over again. And I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I did nothing but cry for the next few months. Even now, every once in a while, I cry. I would give anything to have my baby back. I prayed to God, and still do. I went to confession and the priest told me, "God forgives you, now you have to forgive yourself." I know God forgives me, but I don't understand how. I am a murderer. I've tried, but I can't come to forgive myself. My boyfriend forgave me, and I don't know how. I think of how old my baby would be. I don't even know if it was a boy of a girl. I think about what the baby shower, nursery, and birth would have been like. Day-to-day things I could've done with my baby; going to the store, a ride in the car, watching TB, making dinner, going to visit friends and family. Every moment of every day I think about my baby being right here. Today is 2/19/2013 and my baby would have been about 1 year and 7 months. Anyone considering having an abortion, don't do it. Even if you don't want it, give it up for adoption. Don't be afraid to ask anyone else for help if no one is supporting your decision to keep your baby. Life is the best gift and miracle.

Age: 20
Location: New Mexico
Date: February 19, 2013

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