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Abortion Story: New Jersey

Submitted to Abort73 by a 33-year-old woman on January 4, 2011.

I am sharing my story of abortion on this site because if my tragedy can help just ONE woman to change her mind about the awful mistake she is about to make, then my tragedy will have saved at least one precious life.

I am a 33-year-old, single mother of two children, ages 13 and 11. I separated from my childrens' father at age 21, while pregnant with our second child because he had an affair. The years of raising my two children alone, and being a very young mom were very challenging, yet the most rewarding years of my life. Because of my ex's infidelity, I became a very bitter, insecure woman for many, many years. Over the years, I managed to overcome the bitter feelings I had towards life, but have never dealt with my insecurities face to face.

I recently began dating a man that I went to school with as a child, but hadn't seen at all since high school. When we re-met as adults it was simply two old school friends getting together. After the first few times of hanging out with him, and sharing dinner, etc. I knew I was in love and never wanted to be away from him. Our relationship moved very quickly and within a month, he was staying at my house pretty much full-time. He hadn't officially moved in, but he stayed here every night. We discussed in grave detail what we both aspired for in our lives and our futures. It was like living in a dream...we both wanted the same things in life, and we both knew we wanted to have a baby. We planned to get pregnant and did get pregnant very quickly. We were together for 3 short months when I became pregnant, and my boyfriend moved into my home officially. We were ecstatic, excited and couldn't wait to share life together as parents...but unfortunately for me, that excitement didn't last long. My insecurities and fears set in very quickly and I became depressed and lashed out at my boyfriend, often for things that were of no importance in our relationship. I also allowed outside influences to affect our relationship, which I won't go into detail about, because the bottom line is NO ONE CONTROLS YOUR EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS BUT YOU.

Over the next two months my emotions went back and forth with the thought of being pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant, and wanted my baby with all of my heart, but I allowed my insecurities to take over, thinking what if he left me and I was a single mom again, did he have feelings for any other women, etc. I was also concerned about my schedule, having two older kids who are very active in sports and a baby, and being alone with them in the evenings (my boyfriend works nights, I work days)...and I used that as an excuse to argue with him. I knew my schedule would definitely be tough the first year or two, but that wasn't my actual fear. I feared he leaving me for another woman, but never talked to him or communicated this with him and I will regret that for as long as I live. He was and still is the most supportive man any woman could ever want in her life. He assured me time and time again that we would be fine, and we would make it as parents together, but I shut him out and didn't have faith in his words.

I made the unthinkable decision to abort my baby at 13 weeks pregnant. Women reading this, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, read my story carefully and know you are making the biggest mistake anyone could ever make in their life. I am overwhelmed with emotions of regret and disgust for what I have done to my precious unborn child. Raising a baby is no doubt challenging at times, and there is always the possibility of doing it alone if your relationship/marriage takes a bad turn, but no matter what happens, a baby brings joy, happiness and love to anyone and everyone around it. I allowed those doctors to put me to sleep and take my baby's life away and that is something I will live with and regret for the rest of my life. I know that in time I must forgive myself for what I have done, but the steps to recovery are going to be long and hard and I have a lot to face in my life right now. My boyfriend and I are currently separated due to my actions, and what I have done to our child and our family. I don't know if he will ever overcome what I have done enough to share our lives together and have a family, but we are taking the necessary steps to piecing our lives back together and healing from this.

Whatever happens in your life, your relationship, etc. I promise you, you will regret with everything you have inside of you the decision to abort your baby. There are videos and information you can find anywhere on the internet showing you EXACTLY what this process actually is, and EXACTLY how horrible it is for the baby growing inside of you. PLEASE view them before you make this awful mistake. It is absolutely heart wrenching and disgusting, and literally made me sick to my stomach. Unfortunately, I did not view these videos or read any information beforehand. I cannot take back what I have done, at this point all I can do is try to cope with these feelings of guilt, disgust, hatred, numbness and emptiness inside of me. I have read a lot on the 5 steps of grieving, and have read a lot of testimonials from women who have made this same awful mistake as I have. Talk to someone before you make this awful, life altering decision. Talk to family, friends, a minister, your partner's family, ANYONE. Read information, view the videos, do what you have to do. I guarantee you, you will be glad you did and you will not make the decision to abort your baby. Know that no matter what happens in life, you CAN and WILL do this as a mom, and you and your child will have a very great and rewarding life together. There is no greater gift God could give any human being than to be a parent and raise a child. I took that away from us, and I will live with this painful regret forever, and regardless of what the future holds for us as a couple... as a woman, a mother, and the one who had the baby growing inside of her, I will live with what I have done to my baby FOREVER. You can't take it back, you can't reverse it, and you have NO IDEA what you are about to do.

I hope my story will help someone out there fearing becoming a mom or fearing what "may" happen in life with their partner. READ AND EDUCATE YOURSELF, HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER, AND MOST IMPORTANT TALK TO SOMEONE...ANYONE.

Age: 33
Location: New Jersey
Date: January 4, 2011

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