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I got pregnant at 15, killed my own baby, and have to live life like I never did anything, like no baby ever existed...

Abortion Story: United States

Submitted to Abort73 by a 16-year-old woman on October 23, 2016.

On February 23, 2016, I found out I was pregnant at 15—just three months before turning 16. I didn't know what to do. I was in shock! I didn't believe it. It couldn't be possible. Yes, I wasn't using protection for the last 6-7 months, I had thought I wasn't able to have kids or something. My baby's dad is 27 and has two other kids. I was in love with someone else my age. I was with my baby's dad, not because I loved him, but I felt like I had no other option. He is very aggressive and much more—and he was my first. Of course when I told him, the first thing he told me was to look for a clinic and to not tell anyone. 

I'm not going to lie; I didn't want the baby that day. But as days went on, I started to love it, but It's not like I had time to think about what I wanted. He had told me I HAD to get the abortion. I found out I was pregnant on a Tuesday and went to the clinic on a Friday. That's how quickly he got rid of the baby and me. I so regret meeting him, and believing in him at one point. On February 26, we went to the clinic; I cried and cried in the car. All he said was that it was the best and that he never meant for me to get pregnant. I wanted to keep my baby; it was my child—mine! I felt so trapped. I couldn't tell my mom. My sister had just had a baby, and I remember my mom’s pain and the way she cried when my sister told her she was pregnant. I remember my dad's pain. I couldn't do that to them. I couldn't make them go through the same pain again. I couldn't. 

I had no one to talk to but my baby’s dad—and no one's help. My abortion was the one with the pills. I took both pills, never cramped, but I bled for 12 days. Ever since, when my period comes, it brings heavy bleeding and really bad cramps. To this day, I harbor the secret hope that the abortion didn't work. I wish with all my heart it didn't work. But again, I couldn't handle causing my parents and my family pain. They expect so much more from me. I expected more from myself, but instead I got pregnant at 15, killed my own baby, and have to live life like I never did anything, like no baby ever existed, as If I'm a good person—and I'm not. I killed my own child. My baby was due on October 28, 2016, in 4 days. I don't know how to handle all this. I haven't seen or talked to the man who got me pregnant since I had the abortion. I want to forget about him. He's happy. He got another woman pregnant a couple of months later, and she's having the baby. Its a girl, and they're living together.

Age: 16
Location: United States
Date: October 23, 2016

Search by related keyword: Shock / Protection / Cried / Pain / Regret

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