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I can't remember how it feels to be OK. It's as if I'm still bleeding...

Abortion Story: California

Submitted to Abort73 by a 21-year-old woman on February 4, 2016.

I can't remember how it feels to be OK. It's as if I'm still bleeding. I was 8 weeks pregnant when I took the pill to end what could have been a beautiful life. My heart is broken. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I knew I couldn't have him/her. My boyfriend and I could never see eye to eye. We were barely making it financially. And besides all that, we already have one beautiful, amazing baby boy. We just couldn't. As much as I tell myself we couldn't keep our baby, I can't help feeling like the worst person in the world. It goes against everything I believed in, ad I can't help but feel I have a spot waiting for me in hell.  

It's been hard with my son. Our living situation isn't ideal, and I don’t have a job. I tell myself it was the best decision to make for our little family; I just don’t know what do to with myself. The amount of guilt I feel is breaking me. This is the first time I’ve actually written about the pain inside.  I took a life. I actually killed something so amazing.  I wish I could take it back, I wish I kept my beautiful baby, but I can't. And for the rest of my life I will have to live with that. My heart is numb. My soul left my body and hasn't come back. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Age: 21
Location: California
Date: February 4, 2016

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