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I don’t know why I did it, and I cant live with myself. I don’t know what to do; I feel scared and empty...

Abortion Story: New York

Submitted to Abort73 by a 21-year-old woman on January 8, 2016.

I’m sitting here crying. I did something I regret so much. I found out I was pregnant a month ago; I was six weeks. For two weeks I’ve gotten sonograms done and heard the baby’s heartbeat. I was happy and was taking my vitamins, always rubbing my belly as I felt it growing. So did my boyfriend, but he had mixed thoughts because of his financial situation. So we decided that maybe we should get an abortion. I didn’t want to. I told him no, but I do not know what came over me yesterday to walk into that place. I started thinking how he just lost his job, wondering how was he going to support us,  and I’m not working because I’m sick and have a few medical complications. I’m currently facing conditions that could affect the baby’s health and mine. I also didn’t want my family to know because they’re not supportive at all, and my mom would have probably kicked me out—so my boyfriend and I went to the clinic. As I was waiting, I even tried to leave, but he stopped me because we were already there. So I stayed and went through with everything. The entire time I was crying; everyone was looking at me, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t help it. I was numb even after the procedure was done, and I woke up in the worst pain ever. It didn’t hit me until I left the place. I burst into tears in the street, and I haven’t stopped crying since. I want to go back and get my baby. I feel like a monster that doesn’t deserve to live. I hate myself for doing that. I don’t know why I did it, and I cant live with myself. I don’t know what to do; I feel scared and empty.

Age: 21
Location: New York
Date: January 8, 2016

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