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I'm sorry you won't have a first day of school or a Christmas morning... I'm sorry you never got a chance...

Abortion Story: Winston-Salem, NC

Submitted to Abort73 by a 33-year-old man on January 29, 2015.

My precious baby was aborted without me knowing. My wife conceived in June 2014. We separated in July. At the time, neither one of us knew she was pregnant. She had the abortion in August and told me in September what she had done, because we were trying to work things out. I was devastated. I'm now in therapy and taking antidepressant drugs. Abortion affects the fathers too. No one talks about that. Below is the letter I wrote to my baby…

To my baby,

You never got to see my face or hear my voice, but I'm your father. I'm not smart or good looking or rich. But I would have taken care of you. I would have made sure you always had what you needed to succeed. You have a brother and a sister that both would have loved you very much. You have four cousins, one aunt and one uncle. You have two grandmas that would have spoiled you. I know you're in heaven with your grandpa, and that makes things a little easier. You were innocent and blameless. You deserved so much better than what happened to you. You were taken from me without me knowing. If I could have changed it, I would have. If I had known what was happening, I would have tried to stop it.

I miss you even though I never held you. I cherish you even though I never laid my eyes on you. I love you even though you never got to feel it or hear it or see it. I pray that one day I'll get to be with you.

I'm sorry you won't experience life. I'm sorry you won't know what a hug and kiss from me feels like. I'm sorry you won't play baseball with your brother or sing with your sister. I'm sorry you won't have a first day of school or a Christmas morning. I'm sorry you won't get married or ever have a broken heart. I’m sorry you won't see a sunset or feel a thunderstorm. I'm sorry you never got a chance.

If you had been a girl, I would have named you Caroline June. If you were a boy, maybe Oliver Douglas. Your great great grandpa was named Oliver. I loved him very much. He died when I was very young, but I still remember the way he smelled and the sound of his laugh. I pray that he's watching over you there like he did me here. I know he is. I hope you found our entire family there waiting for you. I hope Jesus picked you up and explained everything to you. I hope he held you and gave you comfort.

Please don't be mad at your mother. I know she's sad. I know she's hurt. I know she thinks about you every day. I forgive her because I love her. I had to forgive her. If I didn’t, the anger and sadness would have consumed me. I've cried every day since I found out about you. I've wondered what color your eyes would have been. If you would look more like her or me. I wonder what your first word would have been or your favorite color. Would you have been a daddy’s girl or momma’s boy? It makes me so sad that I'll never know the answers to these questions.

I wanted you so badly. I prayed every day that God would send you to me. You're my child and a true gift from God. I love you.

Age: 33
Location: Winston-Salem, NC
Date: January 29, 2015

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